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1:42Welcome to The Ringer Fantasy Football Show. My name is Danny Heifetz, and I'm joined by Danny Kelly, Craig Horlbeck, and a few hundred of our closest friends.
1:51Thank you to everyone for coming out tonight. You know, Steven Spielberg premiering Jaws, Paul McCartney, Rolling Stones.
1:57Radiohead. The list goes on and on. So we're kind of the necessary follow-up to those people, I would say.
2:04That was just the beginning. Honestly, bottom of our heart, thank you to everyone for coming.
2:09Like, this never gets old. This is the coolest thing.
2:12Like, seeing all of you guys tonight in real life, it's just as weird, probably weirder for us.
2:18Like, it's... Thank you for coming. We also want to thank Verizon.
2:22Thanks to Verizon for sponsoring tonight's event. Yeah, we're the Verizon people.
2:26Yeah! Hell yeah! Verizon's got an incredible NFL sweepstakes coming up next week, so you can check out the card on your seat for more details.
2:35And the other people we have to thank before we begin tonight is all seven of the women who listen to the show.
2:42Seven! Wow. Thank you for your service. Bask in the light of the seven.
2:47Light of seven. There was a... Someone has a shirt.
2:50Where's the seven shirt? Right there! Oh my god.
2:53Oh... Crowd member of the seven. Unbelievable. Wow. Thank you.
2:57One of seven women is here tonight. That's a big deal.
3:00What are the odds? So, uh... The, uh... I think I forgot something.
3:04What? I forgot the thing. What thing? I don't...
3:07Can you vamp for like a second? Sure. It's fine!
3:11Sure. It's fine! It happens! When will you be back?
3:14I don't know! I don't know! Figure it out!
3:17This is like when George and Elaine are alone without Jerry.
3:21And they're like, wow, we've actually never hung out.
3:24What do you want to talk about? Every time DK and I are alone, all we do is just quote Happy Gilmore.
3:31It's our special thing. We can do it for a while, too.
3:35We took an Uber today and that's all we did.
3:38That lady must have hated us. Happy Gilmore to us is a heat to Chris and Bill.
3:44Where we'll just pick a different line once a month and be like, fuck, that's the best line in the movie.
3:51Today was, uh... Get out of the way? Get out of the way, Mr.
3:55Gilmore. Happy Gilmore. Oh, I don't know what happened to Heifetz, but, um...
4:00I will... We got some... I know you're drinking beer, but we got some fun drinks tonight.
4:05Who's drinking the, uh... The Cloyce Box on the Rocks?
4:09Anybody? Raise it up. Okay. Who's got gentleman's piss?
4:12Yeah, drinking the piss. We love that. This is my piss right here.
4:16Okay. Yeah, you got a glass of piss. And then who's drinking the, um...
4:21Uh, the Sex on the Beach Ham? A couple Sex on the Beach Hams.
4:25All right. Did somebody say Sex on the Beach Ham?
4:28God. Okay. Oh, hell. He literally has a beach ham.
4:32What a beaut. This is an actual beach ham.
4:35I really hope people get this joke. We talked about this for one episode.
4:39We bought the ham before we considered whether people might not have known the inside joke.
4:45That's a real beach ham? This is a beach ham.
4:48This is a honey-baked ham. I don't recognize it without the sand.
4:52Well, look, I... I... We take a ham to the beach, and you thought it was ridiculous.
4:58Yeah. Okay. People of LL. We thought it was.
5:01We're gonna... Ain't nobody here bringing a ham to the beach.
5:04Look, it's delicious, and you're gonna have it right now.
5:07Here, look. You're gonna slice this beach ham? Yeah, I don't...
5:11It's already sliced. That's half the point. I'm so nervous about this.
5:15Put that down. Yeah. The mic or the fork?
5:18The phone mic. Yeah. Honestly, if I give it a DK, it's gonna end up in my chest by the end of the episode.
5:26I can smell it. It does kind of feel like South Carolina today, here in L.A.
5:31It's thick outside. It's humid. Yeah. I can smell that.
5:35That smells... We're all gonna reek of ham. It's the right humidity for a ham.
5:40That's a hefty piece. DK, try that. DK. I wasn't aware to eat that much.
5:45How many people even get this reference? I'm concerned.
5:47Oh, right! Yeah! Okay, thank God. How many people here have done a beach ham?
5:52Yeah, right? Of course. Just crick it. Raise your hand if you don't think it's weird as hell.
5:58Yeah! Okay, all right. Okay. A couple people. I'm loud.
6:02You can hear me. It's honey baked, right? Okay.
6:05There's a honey crust around it. That doesn't work.
6:08Oh. By the way, we're doing analog tonight. I'm just taking some photos.
6:12Oh, there's a lot of fat on this one.
6:15All right, there we go. Look at this. Yeah, you gotta get in there.
6:20Do I really have to eat some? Yes, you have to eat some.
6:24We discussed this. It's quite oily. Yeah, it's fine.
6:27Man. It's good. It's good. I dropped some on my computer.
6:30Oh, God. It's pretty good. Come on. This is a big deal.
6:34You gotta get some of the honey crust. Heifetz in a Hawaiian shirt is like the perfect vibe for me.
6:41Yum, cold. Cold, salty, and wet. Just like I like it.
6:45You know what? Fuck you guys. And you changed shirts.
6:48Well, yeah. I mean, it's a beach vibe. You embrace the ham.
6:52All right. Okay. That's why I'm a pro host.
6:55I eat with ham in my mouth. You can come get some.
6:59Although, they'll be sitting up here for a while.
7:02I'm going to be chewing for the next two minutes.
7:05So, why don't you? Now, I have to vent.
7:08DK, want to quote Happy Gilmore? We didn't want this as far as.
7:12No, no. We didn't. No. It's all right. You know what?
7:16You were right. We shouldn't have done that. Can we start over?
7:20No. No. We'll edit that out. Sure. We are going to do a section later that we're going to edit out of the show.
7:28Like, part of it gets posted. Because we're legally required.
7:31Yeah. There's a copyright issue that we can't put on Spotify or Netflix or any platform.
7:37But we're going to do it here. So, we are.
7:40Time for football. That's the first and last time we'll eat ham before a show.
7:45Which I should say. I'm still chewing the fat from this ham.
7:49It's delicious. It'll be there all day. How smart were we?
7:52We booked this show in LA the night of the Rams-Chargers preseason game.
7:57Which is happening right now. Kind of dumb. Did you see, like, 10 minutes ago, Herbert uncorked a 65-yard touchdown to Mike Johnson?
8:04I saw that. Did you see that? QJ. QJ.
8:07Big QJ supporter. He's not a secret anymore, unfortunately.
8:10All right. I think. Go Frogs. Actually, Kai's here, guys.
8:14Kai, give me a go Frogs. Yeah. Thanks, Kai.
8:17Yeah. QJ. All right. Should we tie? Is it time for the 2026 future burn book all-stars?
8:22Explain that. Sorry. Yeah. In case it's not super clear.
8:26So what we do, I got, you know, I didn't think through this ham's going to be here the whole time.
8:32That's crazy. You smell it? Yeah. It smells great.
8:35It smells like the worst cologne of all time.
8:38It's beach ham by Tom Ford. Yeah. So every year, so every week we do the burn book and it's honestly, it's
8:46inspired by Mean Girls and it's a book of people you hate, but it's because in fantasy football you play and like
8:53every week there's someone who fucking ruins your goddamn day.
8:56Like there's just a player where you're like, this guy is destroying my goddamn life.
9:01Like, like you go to bed at night and you're like, Brian Thomas should fucking die.
9:07That's dark. Yes. Well, well, so what we want, we've never done this before.
9:11We wanted to try to predict who's going to be in the burn book this year.
9:16And I think what's, what's specific about the burn book is it's not just bad players who are going to play bad.
9:24It's good players. It's unexpected. It's you, you, I took AJ Brown last year thinking everything would be fine and it was a disaster.
9:32And so we're going to try to find the guys who.
9:35It's players we like. On the surface seem fine.
9:38And you don't notice the red flags. It's a betrayal.
9:42That's right. You trusted them. Yeah. It's a, it's a slap in the face.
9:46There's no red flags on the surface. Um, and we think they have the best shot to be the player that absolutely ruins your season.
9:54I just kind of caught it. College sports. You just have a shirt.
9:59Is that Rob Lowe? Yeah. Hell yeah. Go college.
10:02Everyone's going back to college now. I get it.
10:05You know what I mean? Did you get a huge NIL deal to wear that college sports shirt?
10:11Lane Kiffin just signed him. Uh, we, I do want to shout out quickly.
10:15We went through all of our burn books for the last four years and there are three people who have been on it twice.
10:23Well, four, including Kyle pits, but he, it's obvious.
10:26It just is like, he's named, the book is named after Kyle pits.
10:30That's right. The other three who have been on the list, Mark Andrews, two times, two timer club.
10:36Not bad. Jalen Waddle. Of course, the last two years Waddle's been on the list.
10:41And then DJ Moore is, is the leader in the clubhouse.
10:45Low key. DJ Moore is the most common three times in the last four years.
10:50So make, we wanted to honor those who came before us, um, before we start here today.
10:56Should I start? I think you have to start.
10:59I'm going to just ambush DK. He doesn't know this is coming, but I want to talk about the Seahawks, the entire team.
11:06How dare you? What? What does this sound like to you?
11:10Okay. Let's go through this. This is a team coming off a dominant Superbowl win.
11:15They had a massive season for their top skill player.
11:18They had their guru offensive coordinator gone. Right. We're kind of assuming everything will be the same.
11:24And their quarterback is a guy who is playing well, but kind of, there's always still question marks, right?
11:30I'm describing the 2024 to 2025 Eagles. Oh. And I'm like, is it not the exact same thing for the 2026 Seahawks?
11:37A little bit. The lives are way different though.
11:40You have Kubiak's gone. Your Superbowl MVP gone. Gone.
11:43JSN is the Saquon to the Eagles, right? Where it's like, he's going to go so high now.
11:49He's the first going to be one of the top three receivers off the board.
11:54Different system. Are you a little nervous? Their OC is a guy named Brian Fury.
11:59Flurry. Flurry. Who, who, who, who like looks and sounds like a fast and furious villain.
12:04Right. No one knows anything about him. He looks kind of badass.
12:08Exactly. That's all I know about him. Yeah. Yeah.
12:11I don't know. I'm a little, Jadarian Price is this like rookie first rounder that I feel like could be a Travion
12:19Henderson who was in the burn book last year where it was like, wow.
12:23Right. Right. This took eight weeks of starting this guy every week and it didn't work out.
12:29I apologize. It just absolutely hammered you. DK, wait, can I pull something out of your back right now?
12:35Keep that away. DK, how do you respond? Oh, I don't like it.
12:39First of all. I know what you're doing and I don't like it.
12:44He got it. I got it. Sorry. That was more happy Gilmore.
12:48I know what you're doing and I don't like it.
12:51We spent like 20 minutes on that. Well, first of all, the vibes for the Eagles are totally different.
12:57I just want to make that clear. Coming out of the Super Bowl?
13:02People hated the Eagles during the Super Bowl run.
13:05The Eagles are always terrible. The Eagles hated each other.
13:08Then they won the Super Bowl. That is true.
13:11And we don't have Sirianni. Complimentary. I mean, you guys have watched Hard Knocks.
13:15Like Mike McDonald is the most impressive human being on earth.
13:19We got a smattering of applause. Yeah. In LA.
13:22All right. I know. But that being said, like, I do see what you're saying here in terms of like the Jadarian
13:29Price one's an interesting thing in particular because we get really excited about these explosive young running backs that can rip off big plays.
13:37That's pretty much exactly what Jadarian Price is. And it just might take him a while to get ingrained in this offense.
13:45I bet you they'll put Helani on the field a lot early on.
13:49We're going to be pissed. George Helani, not Ariel Helani.
13:52Because, you know, it's just like, you know what?
13:55You're starting running back to defend your Super Bowl title like no one's ever even heard of.
14:01It's pretty easy to see two or three weeks in being like, God, this guy doesn't even fucking play.
14:07Burn. I will say taking Jackson Smith and Jigba this year at like number six feels like buying Bitcoin at $100,000.
14:14Yeah. It's just like it's just the idea that coming off an offensive player of the year thing.
14:20It's the Clint Kubiak left the offense. That's the part that bothers me is Clint Kubiak's dad literally like invented the offense they run.
14:28And now it's like this Brian Fleury guy. And it does feel a little bit like going.
14:33Well, I'm just saying. We don't know. We don't know.
14:37That's the point. On the Niners. Also, Niners to Seahawks.
14:40Kind of weird. I feel like I really fucked up my knee this morning.
14:45Jackie, by the way, I fucked up my knee.
14:48And I feel like if I was going in for, she's like, fuck.
14:52And I'm like, I feel like if I was going in for surgery with like Clint Kubiak, I had this great surgeon.
14:59And then the day of the surgery, they're like, yeah, by the way, that guy, he works in Las Vegas now.
15:06He left. Yeah. You have a new surgeon doing it.
15:10And I'm like, oh, that's like, has he done surgery before?
15:13Like, he's been around a lot of surgeries. He's watched a lot of surgeries.
15:18Watched so many surgeries. He accidentally threw a junior mint into the body during the surgery.
15:23He was there. But like that does, Brian Fleury, has he called plays?
15:27He's been around some great play callers. He's explained surgery to be on the whiteboard a lot.
15:33It was the year before Jackson. Because a year ago, Jackson Smith and Jigba had 1100 yards and six touchdowns.
15:40And that's just the Garrett Wilson. So yeah, honestly, that's fucked up.
15:44But I kind of. My finger hesitates a little bit when I see Seahawks guys now.
15:49I'm like, man, Jackson Smith and Jigba fit. It did feel like a pretty special year all around for the Seahawks.
15:56Of course. It's kind of like hard to recreate that.
15:59So I definitely get it. I think the JSN thing in particular.
16:03You're just buying him so high at this point.
16:06It's going to be hard for him to recreate whatever it was like 1700 yards, 10 touchdowns.
16:12They have more guys in their offense now that I think are going to get the football.
16:17So yeah, I get it. Who do you have in the burn book?
16:22Former Seahawk Kenneth Walker. Really? Look, I can't be.
16:25I just have established this. I can't be unbiased about him.
16:28I can't be rational. He's I mean, look, he's fucked me every other season.
16:33I don't understand why he wouldn't do it again.
16:36OK. I don't know. It's like the dead dove.
16:39Do not eat. I like I don't know what I expected.
16:42But yeah, this is Walker right in the name.
16:45Kenneth Walker. I think the math on this is he's in a new offense.
16:50That's it. He's not with the Seahawks anymore. Complementary.
16:53OK. And what? The Seahawks curse him or something?
16:56The Super Bowl winning Seahawks. He's not on that team anymore.
17:00Right. So that's good. OK. That's that's what we're doing with Kenneth Walker right now.
17:05So I don't know if that's going to work necessarily.
17:08I think he's going to be the one guy again this year at this happens every year.
17:14As if you guys have listened to me forever, I'm like constantly hyping up Kent Walker.
17:19He like a few weeks in and he's only playing 55 percent of snaps and they're not running the ball very much.
17:26And then they're passing in the red zone. And I'm like, it happened again.
17:31I mean, if you. Yeah. I ate the duck.
17:34I think everyone forgets the Chiefs offense has fucking sucked for three years and it's been terrible to watch.
17:40I'm comparing him to to Kareem Hunt from 2017.
17:43That's what I'm doing right now. Yeah. 2017. As like the best case scenario, you're saying.
17:48Yeah. Was this podcast around in 2017? No. OK.
17:51How? No. What year was it? How do you not know that?
17:55You knew that. I can't remember like last week.
17:58What year did we start? Well, what? Of course it is.
18:02Oh, OK. Oh, wait. 18? 2018. Yeah. You started in 2018.
18:05What the fuck is wrong with both of you?
18:08It's been a long time. It's been a long time.
18:12Oh, my God. All right. Who else? I'm going to place Fox on the rocks for you.
18:17But I will say to Kenneth Walker to that point, like, you know, these guys go on like top two, three rounds.
18:25Like there's only usually want consistency. You want a guy you can depend on that you know is going to be good.
18:32Kenneth Walker is one of the only people going in like the first two rounds.
18:37It's like on a new team. There's like new things going on.
18:41Usually you just want something that's dependable. Which does kind of bring me to the next guy who has to be on
18:48the list, even though he's on a better team and things seem better.
18:52It's Jalen Waddell, who has been in the burn.
18:55Why are we doing this? I don't know. Sean Payton and Jalen Waddell are together.
19:00That's like driving high and drunk. I don't. Why?
19:03We just expect that's going to work. The guy who's your least favorite fantasy coach of all time and our least favorite fantasy player of all time.
19:12I'm like, if you put them together. Well, we've been doing multiplication.
19:16If you multiply a negative by a negative, it's a positive.
19:20But I think it's going to be like subtraction.
19:23We're just even worse than ever before. Everybody's all in.
19:26Like, when is the last time Sean Payton made you happy?
19:30Wow. That's crazy. I don't know. Honestly, when he yelled at the refs when they blew that call like 10 years ago.
19:37Was that 2017 or 2018? Who knows? It was when I started at the ringer.
19:42So, yeah, I don't know. I was looking. I was like looking around at Waddell and it's actually I didn't realize just how bad it's been.
19:51It's been a mess on a week to week basis.
19:54Even that year in Miami when Tua led the league in passing yards and they were like second in the league in points.
20:01Jalen Waddell had a thousand yards and four touchdowns.
20:04I'm like, OK. They want to get 70 to nothing.
20:08They got 10 touchdowns in one game. I don't know.
20:11Did you see the catch he made in the preseason though?
20:15Pretty good. Why is he even playing in the preseason?
20:18Pretty fast. You see Drew Aller? And then he was hurt.
20:22Yeah. Oh, Drew Aller. Should we talk about him?
20:25I'm happy to. He's making throws nobody can make.
20:28He played tonight. Do you know what happened? No.
20:31Me neither. I believe he started two for two and then I closed my laptop.
20:36Are you on board? Your hand is going to hesitate over Jalen Waddell's name.
20:40I drafted him in my home league. Actually, I kept him in my home league, which is idiotic probably.
20:46Okay. He's one of those. He is one in our chosen profession.
20:50Like we it's the fiduciary duty. Fiduciary. Fiduciary. How do you say it?
20:55Not judicial. Fiduciary. Heifetz right? Fiduciary duty for once.
20:58Yeah. Whoa. Good work. What was that? That was crazy.
21:01I have bought into the hype around water. That was kind of insulting.
21:05That was like, what the fuck was that? I was like, yeah.
21:09I was like, yeah, he did it. Yeah. That's like when a kid falls and everyone's like, you're okay.
21:16Get up. Wait, what? Maestro. Maestro. It's called Spanish.
21:19Sorry. Isn't it Italian? I went to Chile. Maestro's Italian.
21:22Maestro in Spanish is teacher. Okay. Which is like the first word they fucking teach you, but it's fine.
21:28We don't need to do this again. Waddle. He's one of those ones, I think, where I believe it with my head and in my heart.
21:37I'm like, can't get there. This is going to fucking, this is going to be terrible.
21:42I can't believe you are keeping Jalen Waddle on Sean Payton's fucking team.
21:46And you're like, yeah. It's literally like us ranking.
21:49I'm trying to expand my horizon. I'm trying to become a better person and get over this Sean Payton thing.
21:56When you asked me the last time he made me happy, I couldn't think of a single moment.
22:02It's true too. Because we're trying to expand our horizons and forgive.
22:06And then the moment the season begins, we're going to be like, why the hell?
22:11You can't let these toxic people. For sure. It's like, I can't wait to step on this rake.
22:17That's really what's happening. Okay. There's another team, player team, that I think we have to talk about this.
22:23And again, I think a key thing of the burn book is like, it's excitement that then sours into bitterness in your heart.
22:31Like it really, it hurts worse. Like a beach ham.
22:34Yes. Like this beach ham 12 hours from now.
22:37Something you're excited for. Sours in your heart. And I have to say, you know when you're drinking and you have like
22:44the worst hangover ever and you wake up in the morning, you're like, I'm never going to drink again.
22:50Yeah. That's how I'm going to feel tomorrow morning after eating that ham.
22:55Yeah. I'm never eating ham again. I feel like that's how the Chargers season ended.
23:00The Chargers season ended. Everybody was hurt. You were doing the hobbled Herbert.
23:04Yeah. Hobbled Herbert. Who here is a genuine Chargers fan?
23:07All right. Damn. I wish there was more. There's fewer of you than women listening to our pod.
23:13We're in Los Angeles. That is wild. Yeah. That's incredible.
23:17And how many of you are from San Diego that cheered?
23:20Okay. So, yeah. That's fair. That's fair. People, some, some San Diego emailer sent that you're a coward for rooting for the Dodgers instead of the Padres.
23:29And they were like, explain yourself. From the Bay.
23:32He's a lifelong fan. School in San Diego. And then I moved to L.A.
23:37and Roof of the Dodgers. The two fan bases that like stab Dodgers fans in the parking lot.
23:43I don't declare myself a Dodgers fan. I'm just enjoying.
23:46You say we. You fucking do. When you say we.
23:49You did on the show three days ago. Here's what I'll say.
23:53Here's what I'll say. We're doing pretty good. Can I speak, your honor?
23:58Sure. You have a judiciary duty. It started as a bit.
24:01Now it's kind of fun. Sorry. I've been an A's fan my whole life.
24:06Craig two years ago was like, what should this Dodgers team en route to a three-peat that's going to destroy this sport?
24:13Oh, game seven last year had a great time.
24:16You took out all this. Craig's favorite new thing is like, this is true.
24:21He's gone to like seven Dodgers games in the last month.
24:24And he just sends us a picture of his hat.
24:28That's just like a ha ha. Also, my wife, my wife, Elizabeth, who's here tonight, born and raised in LA, Dodger fan, her whole family, Dodger fan.
24:37Oh, that's fine. That's good. I'm happy for her.
24:40Just saying. I just love. No, never mind. Anyway, you're doing a Chargers thing.
24:44Oh, right. Drunk, hungover. If the same way you're like, I'm never going to drink ever again in the midst of the worst hangover on Sunday.
24:53And then Friday at 5 p.m. Someone texts you like, man, you want a beer?
24:58I'm like, fuck yeah. I want a beer at Friday.
25:01I love when my friend texts me. You want a beer?
25:05Fuck. You want to grab a beer? I would love that.
25:08You want to grab a beer? You want a beer?
25:12Yeah. All right. That's a little psychotic. You want to grab a beer?
25:16My point being. When the beer hits your hand like Mjolnir.
25:20It does. But the Chargers are this team. Every year the season ends, I will never take the Chargers ever again.
25:26Yeah, they're in Asia. Look, we're cognizant of the fact that we do this every fucking time.
25:32That's it. It's August 27th. One of these years we're going to be right.
25:37Yeah. And it's going to be this year. I think so.
25:40But Amerian Hampton is going to hit my hand like a beer on Friday.
25:45It's going to hit my hand like Mjolnir. And I'm looking around.
25:49I'm like, the Chargers are going to be the single biggest burn book team because we're going to be sitting here a year from now.
25:57And they're like, well, last year, that was the first year under Mike McDaniel.
26:02But everyone's going to get hurt again. It's 20 straight years of like, this is the year for the Chargers.
26:08And on the 20th anniversary, we're like, no, for real this time.
26:12And they're going to break our goddamn hearts. They're all going to get hurt.
26:17They're going to suck. And we're going to be furious at ourselves for having a Amerian Hampton at 500 fucking yards last
26:24year and broke his ankle in the second round ahead of like Derrick Henry.
26:29And we're going to be like, what drugs was I on?
26:33What was I doing last night? I'm never doing this again.
26:36Jesus. Did you see QJ's touchdown though? Yes. My God.
26:40Both tackles are healthy. I do agree with him though.
26:43My Kenneth Walker point, it comes back. It's the same thing, but it's like even, it's like, well, Amerian Hampton is going
26:50like late first round, early second round. We had Nate Tice on the podcast a week or two ago.
26:56And the way he was talking about it made me want to take Amerian Hampton like eighth overall.
27:02But it's once again, it's like, he's really the only guy going in the first round or two that you're like, I
27:10technically don't even know if he's good yet. I'm not sure what he looks like playing football.
27:15Right. I can't remember. He played like seven games last year.
27:19He's been playing since 2017. 2017. Yeah. So I agree with you.
27:23He could, if he has like 13 carries week one, you're like, I'm going to jump off a bridge.
27:29No, he'll be good though. I literally actually just took him today in my oldest league and I was like, I'm going to regret this.
27:37What pick? He fell to like 15. And I was like, I'm doing this right now.
27:43Right now. No, it's the best bet you can make a second year running back.
27:48Like if you haven't done your draft, I do second year running back was a first round pick with a good offensive
27:55line, an improved coordinator and a great quarterback is like literally the best bet you can make in the history of fantasy, like over and over.
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28:50Learn more at IcyHot.com. The point of this exercise, we're not saying don't take these people.
28:56We're just saying if you do and it goes poorly, we did warn you.
29:00How stupid. We emotionally prepared you. Right. We're telling you to not drink.
29:05Like, go out. Yeah, no, have fun. But when you're hungover, don't call us.
29:09DK, who else are you pre-putting in the burn book for this year?
29:14All right. So the rules of the burn book are you can't really go in for an injury.
29:20It's not like part of the deal. Usually it's just you didn't perform the way we expected.
29:25It's really annoying how they're performing or whatever. With Mike Evans, it's not purely that he's going to get hurt.
29:32It's about us ignoring the fact that he's very obviously going to get hurt.
29:36The most injury prone player in the league went to the substation.
29:40Even if he's healthy going into the season, you're saying, it's still naive to assume he will not get hurt.
29:47Right. Why are we doing this again? So who here has seen Chernobyl?
29:51Great show. Really good show. The show. The show.
29:54Has anyone been to Chernobyl? No. Okay. I saw on Instagram a wolf went back there.
30:00That was cool. Nature's taking back over. I actually thought there'd be a crowd, like an applause there, which shows how much
30:07my algorithm is separated, but never mind. You thought people would be excited about the wolf?
30:12I thought everyone saw it. That's the problem with the internet now.
30:16It's like just, yeah. Anyway. So the Akimov guy, the guy in Chernobyl who is like the huge asshole who's running the
30:23power plant during the meltdown or whatever. He's the worst.
30:27He's the fucking worst. Anyway, that's Kyle Shanahan in this analogy.
30:30I like Kyle. Yeah. Had a tough month. Yeah.
30:33He pushes his nuclear reactors to the absolute fucking maximum limit.
30:37And then he's surprised when they blow up. That's the thing.
30:413.6 Ronkin. We're at 3.6 Ronkin right now with the 49ers.
30:44This is like a really niche joke. Not bad.
30:47Not good. Not terrible. Sorry. Not great. Not terrible.
30:50How high does the meter go on the Ronkins?
30:53Is the nuclear reactors the substation or Kyle Shanahan?
30:56Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? Bulls.
30:59Okay. What is a Ronkin? The unit of measurement.
31:02Yeah. It's like it's bad. 3.6 Ronkin is as high as the meter goes.
31:07For the radiation? It's actually 20,000. Is what the stub station's putting off.
31:11I should have practiced this probably. Anyway, Mike Evans is dealing with a groin strain right now.
31:17Should I keep going? No, no. I was like, Mike Evans bad.
31:21That's 10,000 Ronkin. Should he keep going with this Chernobyl?
31:24Not terrible. Yeah. It's a really good show. It is a great show.
31:28I know it's great, but I don't want to watch it because there's never been a night.
31:34It's harrowing. 1,100 nights in a row I've sat down and be like, do I want to watch people die of radioactive poisoning?
31:41And then I've said no. It's a fair question.
31:44I love that the guy who made that made sheep detectives.
31:48Is that right? Yeah. Craig Mazin. Wow. Dude, the duality of man.
31:52Was that good? He also did something really funny before that.
31:56Craig Mazin? Yeah. What did he do? Look it up real quick.
32:00I'm going to vamp. The hangover? He followed up the hangover with Chernobyl.
32:04And it was apparently the most accurate representation of Soviet Union in that era.
32:09I saw somebody on Twitter talking about this. It's like he grew up in the Soviet Union.
32:14He was like, I can't believe the amount of detail they got in this.
32:19It's every little tiny thing in the show. The guy who made the hangover.
32:23Dude, he was hungover. He was like, this is like Chernobyl.
32:27And I heard the same thing about sheep detectives.
32:30They were like, this is the most accurate portrayal.
32:33This is exactly how sheep talk. Hangover two, not one, by the way.
32:37That's such, wow. Yeah. Thanks, college sports guy. 3.6 Ronkin?
32:41Not great, not terrible. To go back to my, I mean, he's totally right.
32:45Mike Evans is like the holy trinity of red flags.
32:49It's like, he's old. He's on a new team.
32:51He's always hurt. You'll feel like a moron the second you pick him.
32:56I'm going to. Yeah. But I do like him this year.
32:59But I'm taking him. Yeah. Anyway. And like Kyle Shannon, that Chernobyl power plant guy was texting and driving right before the whole thing went down.
33:08So. Oh, people booed. What the fuck was that?
33:11Sorry. He's fine. He's okay. Hey. Well, not the Chernobyl guy.
33:15But anyway, I assume. Craig, who's next in the burn book?
33:18We have, we have a fiduciary responsibility to mention DJ Moore, who is on another team.
33:24Again. Who we're now like, ah, it's a new team.
33:27DJ Moore. It's going to happen this year. He's been in the burn book three of the last four years.
33:33And it seems good. Josh Allen. He's the number one guy.
33:37DK, what's the fool me once joke that you were doing?
33:41That's how I feel about DJ Moore. You guys have seen this stand up bit.
33:46I'm not, I'm not going to like try and recreate it, but he's basically like, hold on.
33:51Let me pull it up here. Fool me once.
33:54Shame on you. Fool me twice. Shame on me.
33:57Fool me three times. Well, twice the shame on me.
34:01I can't believe I allowed you to fool me again.
34:04Fool me four times. Shame's back on you. Actually.
34:07You're taking, you're taking advantage of a vulnerable man here.
34:10Fool me five times. Where are we at with DJ Moore?
34:14Five times? Four times. Four. Five. Five times. Shame on me again.
34:18I mean, I might be a vulnerable man, but at some point you got to take personal responsibility.
34:24Well, that's how, that's, that's, we'll probably stop there because that's how I feel about DJ Moore.
34:29Fool me five times. Hey, DJ Moore, the best thing to happen to DJ Moore is AJ Brown.
34:35Because if AJ Brown didn't exist, everybody would be like, that's the guy who doesn't try in games.
34:41He doesn't give a shit. But AJ Brown showed up and started reading books on the sideline.
34:47And now nobody remembers what DJ, DJ Moore quit in the middle of a route.
34:52That's DJ Moore literally during a play walked off the field.
34:55I've quite literally never seen that before. That's incredible.
34:58Yeah. He's just AJ Brown with way better PR.
35:01And now he's on the bills and it's like, oh yeah.
35:05Is it better PR? Well, it's just quieter PR, I guess.
35:09It's just less PR. Has anyone like been a more unexpected winner from the NFL recently than the guy who wrote that book that AJ Brown was reading?
35:18I know. Did it do well? Oh, it went to like number one in self-help that week.
35:24And I'm like, oh God, just Google AJ Brown book.
35:27I don't remember. The big winner this week was Vrabel.
35:30Should I? Oh man, where's my, did I cover, did I cover all the notes with the beach am?
35:36How sturdy is this thing? Oh, we had the great Jed York email.
35:41Do we? I was going to say after the York thing, Vrabel's like, oh yeah.
35:46Thank God. Seriously. He probably planted it. Hired big Dom to go get a, go get this sting operation.
35:52Anyway, do you, do you. It was like, what?
35:55Yes. He did what? Do you agree about DJ more?
35:58Or are you like, no, he's on the bills.
36:01This is great. I can't. It's funny because I'm like, why did we put him in the burn book so many times?
36:09I feel like this guy's, he's had a thousand yards once in the last four years.
36:14Oh, we got the notes. We got the notes.
36:17Thank you. Thank God. Thank God. Should I just, should I just, Elizabeth Fairman?
36:21She's literally an angel descended from heaven. Elizabeth is, she runs the, she's like responsible for our live shows and she bought this ham.
36:29So thank you to Elizabeth. We asked her to buy a ham for the show.
36:34That was crazy of us. I don't know why we did that.
36:38How big are we talking? How big is this ham need to be?
36:43And we said the number does not exist. It exists because you can find.
36:47This thing is 10 pounds. I don't know what we were thinking.
36:51That was absolutely crazy. So you're right now sifting for a.
36:55No. I was looking for a question about you.
36:58I'll find it later. Find it. To answer your question about DJ more though, like I see this a hundred percent because
37:05I told you guys I was completely sucked in when I watched him play one preseason game and then he got hurt in it.
37:13And for some reason I'm more concentrating on like the part that he did before he got hurt.
37:19Um, it feels like we're going to get burned again.
37:22Yeah. And yet I'm like, maybe we won't kind of good value at this late in the draft.
37:28Did you find it? Yeah. So this is from Tyler.
37:32Tyler breakfast was a hot Italian sausage, three fried eggs, sourdough, avocado toast and espresso.
37:36Oh, that's a lot. That's a great way to start.
37:40That's a vacation breakfast right there. It is. Yeah.
37:43Jed York owner of the 49ers was allegedly, allegedly arrested with $160 in cash in his wallet after being quoted by a
37:50lady of the night for 160 with a condom, 180 without.
37:54Can you take, can you take $160 out of an ATM?
37:57Exactly. I suppose you can do twenties. Yeah. Yeah.
38:00I heard. It's funny that he just didn't go too hundy, you know?
38:05Well, he's worth like $5 billion. I need exactly $160.
38:08And the internet is torn between a billionaire not tipping a sex worker and tipping culture getting out of control.
38:14Whole new meaning to the word. Where do each of you.
38:18Where do you draw the line on who you're tipping?
38:21And she turns around the little screen after and it's like just hits.
38:26Whole new meaning to the word tipping. Yeah. Hold.
38:29Where do each of you stand hypothetically? Do you absolutely.
38:32You got a tip. Billionaire? At least go down with a modicum of class.
38:37If he had 320 bucks in his wallet, they'd be like, you know what?
38:41At least, you know. If you're a billionaire rolling through East Palestine, Ohio trailer parks, you got to be rolling through that like Mansa Musa.
38:50You got to change the local economy. And that bitch.
38:53You got to. Donating left and right. You got to.
38:56You got to change some lives, man. Officer, I was giving everyone $200.
39:00That might actually be good. That's good. Honestly, if he's handed out cash to everyone, it would have been fine.
39:07I love that he dressed like Adam Sandler for that.
39:10He was just looking like a big ass t-shirt and basketball shorts.
39:14He had basketball shorts on? Or like joggers or something.
39:18Like it was a very casual outfit. Wait, was that on his.
39:22Was that his. It was in the police body cam footage.
39:25I watched that. If you really want to get into it.
39:29That's where it was. I watched the body cam and I literally was like, all right, I'll wait a day.
39:35I'll just have someone figure out if it's AI or not in like 24 hours.
39:40I love that the cop was like, dude, this guy's crazy.
39:44This guy's rich as hell. You can buy Jed York shorts now.
39:48Jed York mugshot shorts. That's a mouthful. Holy shit.
39:51Is that on slammaslut.com? That's a great collab. That would be an amazing collab.
39:56Wait for the crossover. My God. I wish he was wearing those.
40:00Anyway, this is why only seven women listen to the show.
40:03It's like it's now four. I believe three have left.
40:07I was going to say come back. Please. I do love the idea for turning around with a little screen and just
40:14like you having to hit the 15%. 20, 25.
40:17What do you mean you like the idea of that?
40:20I just like the idea that they do it.
40:23And then, you know, they turn. They turn the screen.
40:26And they're like, yeah, you can hit one. And then time.
40:30Tap or swipe. Yeah, exactly. He's like, I already did that.
40:34All right. We're talking about the fucking burn book.
40:37Right. We're wrapping up DJ Moore. I go to my next one.
40:41Well, that's how much it costs with a condom.
40:44That's 180. It's good. 180 without. Apparently. Do you have anyone else with the burn book, Craig?
40:49We've been talking about AJ Brown a lot. I do want to mention now the top guy on the Eagles, Devontae Smith.
40:57I'm like, what if it's just AJ Brown again?
40:59Like, I will feel stupid if I'm like, well, the talented receiver who I thought was going to be good is now gone out of Philly.
41:08Well, there's another talented receiver who I think will be good in Philly with the same situation, different coordinator.
41:14But I'm like, if. But this guy's 170 pounds.
41:17This guy weighs less than me. Last year, week one, AJ Brown had one catch for eight yards.
41:23And it came into like the fourth quarter when everybody was already like, I'm done.
41:28And I'm like, if Devontae Smith, if it's the same thing week one, I'm going to feel like a moron.
41:35That game, league one last year, was like the combo of like.
41:39It was against Dallas, right? Yeah, Jalen Carter spitting on Dak before the season started.
41:44And then AJ Brown spit on us. No, you're right.
41:47If Devontae Smith starts reading a book on the sideline this year, how quick till Jalen Hurts is traded?
41:53I'm just like, I'm going to feel like an idiot if he just like is also bad and Jalen Hurts is struggling.
42:01And I'm like, of course, this just happened. Yeah.
42:04That's how I'm going to feel about Basial Tootin.
42:07I'm doing it for you, Ivets. I know that you're people are giving him shit for us to bring it up.
42:14Basial Tootin too much. Tootin is the most there's no player that better represents a player in the NFL.
42:20Week four, we're like, obviously, that didn't work. Like, obviously, that didn't happen.
42:24It's like a few. I think we invented the burn book because a few years ago, we had Cam Akers coming off
42:31his torn Achilles for week one in like round four.
42:35And then in week one, he got like three carries.
42:38I mean, when is the last time a fourth round pick who's like really hasn't done anything?
42:44We're like, this guy's going to be awesome out the gate.
42:47It's usually like a Bucky Irving that nobody expected.
42:50It comes out of nowhere. We're putting a lot of credit into Tootin.
42:55You're taking a player that's never done anything resembling what you're taking him for.
42:59And then he just isn't going to do it.
43:02And then you're like, I don't know why I did that.
43:06Right. He could do it. In theory, it'd be cool.
43:09Which is what I'm fixating on. Right. But what if he doesn't?
43:13Also, we haven't seen him do anything. Right. You know, the more I think about this question, shouldn't the condom be more than 20 bucks?
43:21Right. That's like not a very big difference. It's not.
43:25The more I think about that, it's not upcharging enough.
43:28A condom was 160 without a condom was 180?
43:31No, it was 160 with, 180 without. Shouldn't it be more expensive with?
43:35160 with the condom. Yeah. Sorry. I had that back.
43:39Well, I guess. I don't know. It just doesn't seem like a big enough.
43:43You're paying more. Just curiosity. You're paying. Which one is which?
43:47160 with a condom, 180 without. And the more I think about it, those products are not differentiated enough.
43:53Silence. I have no comment. I don't know what to say to that.
43:57Hold on. He like texted some company and he was like asking for the whole nine yards or whatever.
44:04What was it? I don't know. It was the service.
44:07He was corresponding with the service. Right, right, right.
44:10Yeah. I'm just curious now. And then. Well, what was the other thing?
44:14That's how they got him. The trailer park was like trying to distance themselves from him.
44:20The trailer park was like, we had nothing to do with this.
44:23Oh, yeah. Weren't they? Like he was just stopping by, I think.
44:27He wasn't. This does not have anything to do with that.
44:31Yeah. We don't know him. Anyway. Yeah. Devontae Smith is going to hate the Eagles.
44:36That's good. The last one I had here, just a burn book.
44:40I think just in terms of like how high you're taking them, the expectations when you take a player and then like
44:47how quickly they're going to make you feel fucking stupid.
44:51The Rasheed Rice third round pick after he rehabbed his knee in jail.
44:55How could we have seen this coming? It reminds me a lot of like, imagine if a player had like, I don't know, rehabbed his knee in jail.
45:04That just, I. Taking him in the third round.
45:07Yeah. I will. Yeah. Think about all the receivers ahead of him who rehabbed their knees anywhere else.
45:13Right. And I did actually look up the jail that he was in and it was, it's the North Tower jail in Dallas.
45:21And I looked up and it's alphabetical. So he's M to Z.
45:25And I looked up the, I found. It's like on Google Earth.
45:29What is this? Street View. No, it's on the Dallas County website.
45:33I found it. Dude. The facilities are lacking. Yeah.
45:36Yeah. It is. No bar. Oh my God. It's all machines.
45:39Yeah. No padded seating. I imagine. No. There's nowhere to foam roll.
45:43Like it's not like telling you, man. All right.
45:46That's fair. That's fair. Any, any other burn book?
45:49Who, who on this list are you the most afraid of?
45:53That is a good question. Jalen Waddle. Yeah. Yeah.
45:56The guy we hate playing for the coach we hate.
45:59That's the guy I'm staking my league on this year.
46:02I would say Waddle or Devante Smith makes me nervous, but yeah.
46:06Okay. We have to, I think we have to do a new segment here.
46:11So in the vein of the over committing to something from like one episode that we're realizing maybe people didn't really understand in addition to.
46:19And that episode was like three days ago. Three days ago.
46:23So how many people hurt and like, it's okay if you have not, but a few days ago while we were in
46:30person, DK said Cleveland's weather was worse than Siberia.
46:33DK went off on Cleveland. Destroyed it. I've never even been to Cleveland.
46:37I don't know. Never even been there. It just like seems terrible.
46:41Explain. Please explain. Cause you were so angry about Cleveland.
46:45Late, late in the football season. It snows eight feet every fucking Sunday.
46:49That's all. So, um, DK after we, but it's crazy.
46:52So after we live anywhere else in the world, anywhere else, you did say that anywhere else in the world.
46:59Then he went with Siberia after we stopped recording.
47:02DK then admitted he had never been to Cleveland.
47:05So we're going to play a special game here.
47:08Thank you to the fond of arranging this. We're going to play a game called Cleveland or Siberia.
47:14And we're going to have some photos and I'm going to, they have not seen these.
47:19And I'm going to make them guess if it's Cleveland or Siberia.
47:23All right. And if you guys are down, you guys can play as well.
47:28Do we have anyone from Cleveland? Is anyone here from Cleveland?
47:31Okay. This is important. This is very important. I know the people here from Cleveland are going to be very excited.
47:38Please don't ruin this because DK just saw you.
47:41Anyone from Siberia? Is anyone? No. If you're from Cleveland, please stay still because you're going to be amazed by what you see.
47:49So without further ado, could I get next slide here?
47:52Cleveland or Siberia? Oh, Christ. Wow. Wow. Uh, shit.
47:55Are those Soviet era apartments in the background? I think.
47:58Or Cleveland. I think. This is going to be Siberia.
48:02I think they want us to think this is Cleveland.
48:05Siberia. Siberia. Do you guys think that it's, uh, make some noise.
48:09You think it's Cleveland. They're thinking it's Siberia. Make some noise if you think it's Siberia.
48:14Oh, this is Siberia. Yeah. We got it. All right.
48:18This supports your claim. This supports your claim, DK.
48:21Yeah. Next slide. Beautiful. Hold on. I see a key bank sign in the background.
48:25Do they have key banks in Siberia? Who's that guy on like TikTok who can like guess anywhere in the world?
48:32That guy. This is Cleveland. That's got to be Cleveland, right?
48:36You guys. Who thinks it's Cleveland? Who thinks it's Siberia?
48:39Fuck. Yeah. It's Cleveland. That's crazy. Cleveland. Two for two.
48:43Next slide. Oh, okay. We're zooming in a little bit.
48:46It's like brutalist architecture. Interesting. That's, uh, wait. Wait, the flags.
48:50The flag. It doesn't look like the Russian flag though, to be honest.
48:54Is that? What's the? I doubt that's the Cleveland flag.
48:57Dude, this has got to be Siberia. Yeah, right?
49:00Who thinks this is Siberia? Who thinks this is Cleveland?
49:04This is fucking Cleveland. Damn it. What flag is that?
49:07What is this place? I tricked you because I cropped out the American flag.
49:11Yeah, what is this? The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?
49:15Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Yeah. Fuck. I should have known that.
49:19Damn it. Fuck you guys. Next slide, please. Cleveland does rock.
49:23Wow. Uh. That's got to be Siberia. What kind of bird are we talking here?
49:28I'm going Siberia. Final answer. This one's like very obviously Siberia, which means it's going to be Cleveland.
49:34But I'm going to go Siberia. Does everyone else think it's very obviously Cleveland?
49:39Siberia? All right. It's Siberia. Yeah. All right. Next one.
49:42This is fucking lake effect right here, baby. That's week 16.
49:45Steelers, Browns. You're proving my point right now. This is Cleveland.
49:49This is the beautiful waterfront of Cleveland, Ohio. Or the Kremlin.
49:53I don't know. Is it the Kremlin on a very cold day?
49:57What do you think? I'm going to go with Siberia.
50:00Siberia? Cleveland? That is Cleveland. No. I fucking knew it.
50:03All right. Next slide. I don't play football in that?
50:07Hold on. That's crazy. Cleveland or Siberia? I mean, there's a Volvo.
50:11So? I actually don't know what that means. Yeah.
50:14Swedish car brand? Is that a Volvo? I don't know.
50:17Closer to Siberia than America. This is... I mean, this is...
50:21I see... Is that Ontario Street? This is fucking Cleveland.
50:24I get what you want me to do. All right.
50:27Fine. All right. Next slide. Next slide. Fine. Whoa.
50:30Oh, this is good. This looks like more playable than the last one.
50:34Is that Cleveland? Oh, I hope to God this is Cleveland.
50:38This is the most West Coast shit I've ever seen.
50:41They have no idea. This is Siberia. But I really hope it's Cleveland.
50:46What is it? This is Siberia. Oh, damn it.
50:49All right. Next slide. This is the same picture, but in a different month.
50:53That's Cleveland. Yeah. Cleveland. Who thinks it's Cleveland? Yeah.
50:56It's Cleveland. Okay. All right. Next slide. I think we have one more of these.
51:01Two more of these. Is it Cleveland? Is that Cleveland?
51:05Yeah. It's Cleveland. All right. Craig's hates his... The lake effect.
51:08Oh, here we go. Oh, man. I'm not seeing a lot of clues here.
51:13This is Cleveland. Cleveland. Siberia. Who thinks Siberia? Who thinks Cleveland?
51:16It's Cleveland. Yeah. All right. Thank you, everyone, for playing Cleveland or Siberia.
51:21So, DK... So, I feel like I won, right?
51:24You're kind of vindicated a little bit. Yeah, actually.
51:27The lake effect. Lake effect. It's probably really nice in the summer, though, right?
51:31That photo with the hawk was crazy. What's it like in the winter?
51:36Horrible. Okay. Just be a snowbird. Okay. You guys want to do some emails?
51:40Yeah. Emails. Okay. First of all, sorry. I know we kind of really lead heavily to the making noise bit, but we do have to just start with...
51:49We had to settle an argument. Can you make some noise if you think a chode is a taint?
51:56Wait, what? Who thinks a chode is like a short, fat penis?
52:00Wrong. The Trump thing. Young crowd tonight. Young crowd.
52:03Wrong. All right. Wait. That was... No one else thought it was a taint?
52:07We got one. We got two. We got three.
52:10There are dozens of us. Dozens of us. More people saw my Wolf and Chernobyl algorithm post that thought that...
52:17Okay. All right. This is from... I don't know.
52:20So they wrote in cursive. So something, something. Irene?
52:23Irene? Yeah. Irene. Irene. Turkey chomps and vanilla latte.
52:26I don't know what a turkey chomp is. A meat stick.
52:29I thought it was like a chomp with his hand.
52:33Yeah. That's good. A turkey chomp. This is a...
52:36I love this question. Irene wrote, what's a great Super Bowl for a new football fan to rewatch to get into football?
52:43Oh, that's... I mean, that's a great question. I mean...
52:46You're welcome. First thing that came to mind is Pats Falcons, the comeback.
52:51I think... I think in rewatch... I hate the fucking Patriots, but I do think the right answer is the rewatchables category, what's the best double feature?
53:00You really need to go Patriots Seahawks back to back with the Patriots Falcons one.
53:05Because I... Like the Giants beating the Patriots is like...
53:08The game wasn't as good. Yeah. The Giants beating the Patriots is like the greatest moment of life, but the games kind of suck to watch.
53:16That was more of a storyline thing. You needed to have watched the whole season to kind of understand the context, right?
53:24The Patriots Seahawks game is that they ended up winning.
53:27Sorry, Malcolm Butler. Sorry. Worst moment of your fucking life.
53:30Yeah. You blacked out. There's a fly by your beach ham.
53:34Oh, shit. There... Fuck you, fly. Fuck. It's attracting flies.
53:37Shit. What were we thinking? We're taking the beach, guys.
53:41How did no one talk us out of this?
53:44Jack Wilson somewhere. It's like, I told you. It's been like 40 minutes and it's attracting flies.
53:49I think the fly, it's like fruit. It came out of the ham.
53:53I don't know. Oh, geez. But no, that... And the Falcons Patriots won because...
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55:08Terms apply. I remember halfway through, I have never been happier about all my Patriots fans being miserable.
55:14Like, I can't tell you how great it was.
55:17It really was Mountain and the Viper as a sports game.
55:21I wrote like half an article about how great the Falcons were.
55:25And then I was like, oh, really? Okay, fuck.
55:28Yeah. It's like, well, I will say I really appreciated the Falcons for doing that because then people stopped talking about Russell
55:35Wilson throwing an interception at the one yard line so much.
55:39You were DJ Moore. Thank God for AJ Brown.
55:42I'm Vrabel right now. I'm like, fuck yes. You're like, York.
55:45York. He did what? That was way worse than me, right?
55:49Yes. He was wearing what kind of shorts? Slam a slot?
55:52What? 160 bucks? This email is from Morgan who put their email.
55:56Shout out Morgan putting an actual email. I don't want to talk to you.
56:01Their millennial banger is Friends in Low Places, which I love.
56:05I don't know. Is that a millennial banger? Elder?
56:08Elder millennial? I mean, that's 90s, right? Straight 90s.
56:11Elder millennial. Elder millennial banger. I think Gen X loves that song.
56:15That's my issue. Anyway. You don't know what Gen X is, I feel like.
56:19I mean, Bill is Gen X. Continue. Well, Morgan's breakfast was two bowls of Cocoa Puffs, which I kind of wanted.
56:26That's wild. Anyway, Morgan, actual fantasy football question was, I'm picking 10th and 12th in a PPR league.
56:32Do I go running back, running back, even if there are receivers ranked higher?
56:37And my short answer is like, yeah. I think so.
56:40Like, you can. Wait, you're saying go do running back, running back or no?
56:45If you want. Yeah. Your life is just so much easier when you have two great running backs, even if you're like, well, Justin Jefferson's ranked higher.
56:54Who cares? Yeah, I do agree with that. The lesson every year is like, wide receivers deep.
56:59It usually is. And running back is kind of thin.
57:03Especially if you have a two receiver league. If you have a three receiver league, that's a little bit different.
57:09That's a good point. Yeah. All right. This one's from J-Bone.
57:13J-Bone. J-Bone. Breakfast was black coffee and Prozac. Kind of level you out.
57:17Hell yeah. I like that. I thought it said pork something.
57:21J-Bone writes, what is the worst fantasy loss of your life?
57:24Alvin Kamara Christmas. Fucking. Oh my God. Championship week 16.
57:28I will never forgive. I was in it. Yeah.
57:31I was driving that day. I don't know why.
57:34Christmas Day, I was driving up to the bay and I obviously wasn't watching the games and I pulled over to the gas station.
57:42I pulled my phone out and Alvin Kamara had six touchdowns.
57:45And I was like... Christmas is ruined. It was a good point.
57:49Yeah. The best part about that is I think that was the first time the NFL had week 17 on Christmas Day.
57:56No, I think it was week 16. It wasn't Sunday.
58:00Oh, okay. Wasn't it? I'm trying to remember. You guys can correct me if I'm wrong, but it was like a Thursday night game or something.
58:08So it was like... It was... Some traumatized man is like, yeah, it was!
58:13It was like Kamara scored 60 points on Thursday and we're just like, fuck.
58:18It was over before it even started. The entire Christmas to New Year's thing, you're just like, fuck Alvin Kamara.
58:24Wrap it up, boys. This is why, honestly... It's like, I can't enjoy Christmas now.
58:29We've never talked about this. I should have done this as a tank purge, but I'll do it now.
58:35Fantasy football is so much worse now that the championship is on Christmas.
58:40It's kind of not fun anymore. Dude, sitting... That Sunday, I remember sitting down.
58:44I'm down 60 to zero. It's Sunday. I'm in the championship and I'm just like feeling fucking miserable.
58:50There's no worse feeling. Talk to me! Why? I was like, should I even watch?
58:55I know I'm going to lose. Shut up, mom!
58:58Leave me alone. Fuck your gifts! Okay. What? It's Christmas.
59:02Well, it was Sunday, I'm saying. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
59:05You're telling your mom to fuck your kids? What?
59:08Gifts. Oh, gifts! Jesus! That's, uh... It's not Jed York.
59:11This reminds me, this is really random. I'm sure some of, maybe three or four of you guys have heard this, but
59:18there was a random, like, Australian person was being interviewed and he was like, as a father, what would you recommend to new, like, new parents or whatever?
59:28And it was like, stay away from the kids.
59:31And it was like, he was like, what? Stay away?
59:34Or avoid dickheads? Dickheads? You want people to stay away from the kids?
59:38He's like, no, dickheads. Oh. Makes sense. Makes sense.
59:41Anyway, Austin writes, breakfast, three eggs over toast and an iced...
59:45Hojija. I wasn't going to get that. Thanks. Hojija.
59:48Mate? I don't know. It's a type of... It's a T.
59:52Austin writes, question, from any NFL era, what team would have been the most entertaining to watch in Hard Knocks offseason?
59:58And honestly, he answered it in it, which is, is it the 90s Cowboys?
60:03It has to be when Michael Irvin stabbed his teammate in the neck and they covered it up.
60:09That's pretty good. During training camp, because he was sitting in his chair in the barbershop.
60:1421st century edition. There's probably a Steelers team when it was like Antonio Brown, Le'Veon Bell, Tomlin, James Harrison.
60:21Lord. If they, like, they have to do that as a podcast this year.
60:25Just get those guys back in a room. Big Ben has a podcast.
60:30You know what goes on it because they fucking hate him.
60:33Yeah. I've never listened to it. I haven't. No.
60:36It's called, like, footballing with Big Ben or something.
60:39Good SEO. But it has, like, it's like football and A-H.
60:43It's like the Pittsburgh accent. Get out of here.
60:46McAfee kind of took that. Yeah. That's, yeah. What's his thing?
60:49What does he say? Well, it's like a Pittsburgh accent.
60:53It's like near Cleveland. You wouldn't, you've never been there.
60:56Noah writes, breakfast Celsius and a breakfast burrito. What is with people at the Celsius in the morning?
61:02Yeah, yeah. Who drinks the energy drinks in the morning?
61:05A lot of people. Wow. What's a Celsius? I don't know what that is.
61:10It's an energy drink. It's like a monster. A monster?
61:13It's like a monster without the claw. You know, it's like a button.
61:17A monster you would take to, like, I don't know.
61:21Classy monster. Around your mom. Classy monster. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
61:24I love the people who wrote the emails on the paper.
61:28That makes me so happy. Noah writes, fuck, marry, kill, Mike McCarthy, Jim Harbaugh, or Liam Cohen.
61:33Oh, Christ. Which I think we need to make it harder.
61:37Somebody asked. So to speak. Somebody asked me on, we did a Reddit AMA the other day.
61:43And somebody asked if there was any coach that was just three kids in a trench coat, who would it be?
61:50And my first thought was Liam Cohen. I don't know why.
61:53He's just like, he got skinny over the offseason.
61:56I'm like, he looks too skinny. And he's like, he's pretty tall.
62:00When he does look like three kids. And he wears a trench coat?
62:04Does he? No. Okay. Like buttoned up. Anyway, we got to kill Mike McCarthy.
62:09Right? I don't know. Harbaugh. I mean, Harbaugh. Do you marry Harbaugh?
62:13I don't want to marry Liam Cohen. Jim. Great question.
62:16Jim. Okay. I don't know, Jim. Jim. We're not going to have Jim.
62:21Oh, damn. I know. That's such a bummer. I feel like we kind of went too far.
62:26Did your parents think the Romo. Did you guys think that the.
62:30My dad thought of AI video of Romo doing the DAC warmup before the line test.
62:36My dad thought that was real. We're very close to the end.
62:39It's like the horse doing like a double jump and then a triple flip into the water.
62:45It's like, is this real? I watched that today.
62:48I'm terrified when I send somebody is this real.
62:51Oh, it's like the biggest thing now. Bill got got with one of those.
62:56He asked us about a jaguar. What? What was it?
62:59What was it? What was it? Alligator walked up?
63:02Bill started flying for the jaguars. Alligator came out of water and then stood up?
63:07Yeah. Yeah. Look pretty real. Because all the first ones were on like the ring doorbells.
63:12Oh my God. Anyway. What was the question? Fuck, marry, kill, Mike McCarthy.
63:16Harbaugh. Jim Harbaugh. And Liam Cohen. Is this like a football coach thing or just like a life thing?
63:23It's up to you. What kind of marriage do you want?
63:26Either way I killed Mike McCarthy. Do you want to spend your life with this man?
63:32I want to spend my life with Harbaugh. He feels like a good time.
63:36He's going to keep things interesting. Yeah. We got chickens in the backyard.
63:41It's great. I'm just going to opt out of this.
63:44I'm not going to answer that question. Okay. Fine.
63:47I'll fuck Jim. I'm going to marry Cohen and kill McCarthy.
63:51I love the instant peer pressure shame. Who would you fuck?
63:54Fuck your coach. Fuck someone. I fucked Jim. All right.
63:57Fuck Jim. If his name was James Harbaugh, would that be different?
64:01Yeah, completely. I've actually never. Is his name James?
64:04I've never thought about that. It'd be over. This is from Liz.
64:08The one and only. Liz Kelly, my wife. Is that right?
64:12Yes. Who do you think would win in a league between our wives?
64:16Is what Liz wrote. Liz, Jackie, and Skippy. Well, Skippy's not here, so we can say whatever.
64:22And there's no way she can hear this. I think Jackie, because Liz does not listen to the show.
64:28No chance. I do agree it would be Jackie.
64:31I think Liz, after like two weeks, would be like, AJ Brown had one catch last week.
64:37I spent $45 on him. What the fuck is this?
64:40Why did you fucking tell me to do that?
64:43Yeah. Yeah. Also, she enjoys Sundays too much. Yeah.
64:46She'd want to do other things, you know? I mean, that's fair.
64:50Liz's millennial banger was also temperature by Sean Paul, because she has great taste.
64:55We'll get to that. We'll get to that. We're getting to that very soon.
64:59All right. This is from, yeah. This is from Jomie, another Ringer employee.
65:04Hey, Jomie. J-Bone. Where are you? Jesus, Jomie. This is something.
65:07Jomie writes, breakfast, half a donut. Jomie's gone? Like, damn, he left halfway.
65:12Jomie, this is a fucking crazy question. Jomie wrote, half a donut.
65:16His banger, his millennial banger is slippery with Migos featuring Gucci Mane.
65:19Jomie's question is, would you rather your favorite football team have a Patriots type run where they win six or seven Super
65:27Bowls, or would you rather solve racism forever? Okay.
65:30Is it, well, is it six or seven? Seven's a lot.
65:33Seven's a lot. Seven's a lot of Super Bowls.
65:36You could theoretically be better. Seven's the record. You could be better than the Patriots dynasty.
65:42It's close. Three Super Bowls, like, no, I'm going to be a hero.
65:46Like, that's not enough. Once I start, when I need two hands to go.
65:51This gets a little close. I'm solving racism. Thank you.
65:54Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. DK's won the crowd.
65:57I'm going to decline to answer this question like DK.
66:00No, I'll solve racism. I'm fucking Jim. Yeah, I'll fuck Jim Harbaugh.
66:04That's my answer. Yeah. James. You have to call him James.
66:08James Harbaugh. No, I'll do it. No, it's okay.
66:11This is no name. Just two eggs with hot sauce.
66:14Sounds good. Someone wrote our... Victoria. Thanks, Victoria. Victoria.
66:17V-bone. Victoria wrote, Our friend is wearing a hot dog costume as punishment for losing our league.
66:23Stand up. Hot dog. Come here. Good for you.
66:26Give us a... Holy shit. Show me your wiener.
66:29What is it? Ask me about my wiener. Tell me about your wiener.
66:33Yeah. That's slightly different. Yeah. Hot dog guy has lost twice in a row.
66:38Please help our hot dog guy avoid a three-peat.
66:41Oh, yeah. Don't take any of the players we talked about today.
66:45There you go. Yeah. I thought I had lost two years.
66:48Oh. Well, were you entertained anyway? Yeah? We're all having a good time.
66:53Look, we're out here solving racism. We gotta... We can't do everything.
66:57We gotta find the guy who did this. That's really...
67:00Yeah. And Victoria was like, give him a pep talk.
67:03The pep talk is... Life sucks. And then you die.
67:07You know? Just be happy for today. What was it that Mike Mc...
67:11What's his last name? Daniels? Mike McDaniel. Nick Daniels.
67:14I get... One's the coach of your team. Yeah.
67:17One's the coach of your team that just won.
67:20He says... How many Super Bowls does Mike McDonald need to win until you don't do that?
67:25I don't know. You're talking about... Have you ever met me?
67:29My memory is shit. Lately, McDaniel just said, today's a great day because it's the youngest I'll ever be for the rest of my life.
67:37Fucking great attitude. Well, it's better than Miami when he was like, one day closer to death.
67:43Positive... Like, positive nihilism. Is there a better representation of the difference between like, kind of like coming off coke and you're
67:50like, one day closer to death and being on gummies and you're like, youngest I'll ever be.
67:56He's like walking out of Erwan. He's like, what?
67:59It's a sunny day. I look young. This is from Christine.
68:02One of the seven. Christine. Christine. I think he's a kind of flavored latte made at home with peanut butter, protein powder mixed with strawberry yogurt.
68:11All right. Incredible. It's like peanut butter and jelly.
68:14That's good. I like it. It's a good combo.
68:17He's like, did you hear that? Guys, it goes together really well.
68:21It tastes like peanut butter and jelly. All right.
68:24It's one of the classic all-time combinations. I agree.
68:27Goes together like... No argument there. Protein powder and yogurt.
68:30All right. Christine writes, can you remind me how much a cloud weighs?
68:35Zero. Nothing. It's a fucking cloud. It's floating. It's a million pounds.
68:39It's floating. I'd put my life on that. The mass is one million pounds.
68:43There's no way it's anything other than zero. Negative.
68:46Probably. If it's floating. It's a million pounds. The rain, what does the rain weigh?
68:51Fucking nothing? Rain falls. I don't. I'm serious though.
68:54Clouds heavy and fall. How does it? I don't understand how it weighs a million pounds.
68:59Isn't it a billion? A billion. Whatever. I forget too.
69:03The answer I believe is one billion pounds. A cloud.
69:06Every cloud is one billion. We should really do a segment of the facts that you just won't believe.
69:12There was a dinosaur documentary on Netflix that Spielberg produced.
69:16There's four episodes I watched the first one. In it, they talk about it in the prehistoric age.
69:22You didn't watch all of them? Well, I watched the first one.
69:25It was good, but I don't know. I learned a fact in there that at one point in time on this planet,
69:33it once rained for one million years straight. And then it stopped.
69:37It rained for one million years straight. Everywhere? The whole world.
69:40The whole world. It rained. How do you check that?
69:44Fossils? I don't know. Yeah. I trust Spielberg, I think.
69:47I'm going to take him by his word. A million years it rained.
69:51So maybe Cleveland's not so bad. Even in Siberia?
69:54God. There are some facts. My version of that fact that you just, I just don't believe you, is there like people,
70:02I've read this in many places that there are more QR codes possible than there are atoms in the universe.
70:08No way. There's no fucking way that that's true.
70:11Isn't there something like that with a deck of cards?
70:14Yeah. Combinations, yeah. You guys know the fact? I don't remember it.
70:18Yeah. So 52 times 51 times 50 times 49 is more than atoms in the universe.
70:24It's more than a million years. There's no way that that's true.
70:28It rained for a million years. I like how it's such a round number.
70:32One million years. Give or take a couple tens of millions, you know.
70:37It might be a little more believable if we add in like a few other numbers.
70:42Yeah. One million years it rained and then it stopped.
70:45You're right. It is suspiciously. One million and 17?
70:48I don't know. Was it 952,000 years? That was a million.
70:52All right. Next one here. Are we doing millennial bangers?
70:55What are we doing? Oh, yeah. Sorry. What do you got?
70:59What do you got? What do you got? Yeah.
71:02No. I mean, fuck these. I'm still carrying with me this morning.
71:06In his pocket. That never gets talked about. It's true.
71:09How late do you have to eat late night food that's kind of breakfast?
71:14Yeah. Jacob writes, what's the best hot food to eat cold or the best cold food to eat hot?
71:20I mean, hot food to eat cold. Pizza is pretty good.
71:24I mean, it's kind of a. Yeah, that's the classic.
71:27Classic answer. Someone said Chinese food. Chinese food was great.
71:30Yep. That's good. What's a good cold food to eat hot?
71:34Ice cream. Cold food to eat hot. Ice cream.
71:37I don't even know how that works. It's a hot cup of ice cream.
71:41It's like a fucking cloud. You can heat it up.
71:45Honestly, I call it. I mean, beach ham is pretty great.
71:48Cheese. But like cheese is kind of. You guys want more ham?
71:52You barely touched your ham. Cold ham heated up.
71:55It's good. You barely touched. Turkey. Not much. I don't know.
71:59This is a tough one. It's a good question, Jacob.
72:02All right. Get back to you on that one.
72:05Millennial bangers? Well, I think we have to thank some people here.
72:09Oh, right. Sure. Thank you to everybody. In all seriousness, thank you to everyone.
72:14I know I just have ham in my hand and I just said in all seriousness.
72:19Can you take a man with a ham in his hand seriously?
72:23I guess, yeah. Smell it. I guess the ham really takes away from the seriousness.
72:28But in all seriousness, thank you for coming. This microphone is going to be so goddamn greasy.
72:34Spielberg next week will be like. Why does it smell like ham?
72:38Smells like beach ham. Beach ham. But thank you to everyone for coming.
72:42This is so awesome. Thank you to everyone for showing up.
72:45Thank you very much. There are so many people that it takes to put on something like this.
72:51I mean, thank you to Elizabeth. Thank you to Austin.
72:55Thank you to Nikhil. Thank you to Abu. Carlos, Cameron, Charlie, Helen, Jack Wilson, Sarah, Donald, Nick.
73:00Everyone here at the Fonda. Thank you to everyone here at the Fonda.
73:05Thank you to Verizon. Yeah. Thank you to the person who gave us a book on extreme ironing.
73:11Yeah, that guy. And then also Cinema Scratch-Offs. This was just fucking awesome.
73:15Thank you guys so much. We really appreciate it.
73:18We really like it's the coolest thing ever to be able to do this.
73:23And it is actually mind-blowing to see all of you like come out.
73:27It's the best. And I don't think we would do the beach ham thing again.
73:32But everything else, I hope you had fun. Toss it like a bouquet.
73:36Just like throw it once in. We're going to smell like ham if you come and take the photo.
73:42So be prepared. But with that said, I don't think there's anything I can say that we need to go out of.
73:50I need the chorus one more time. Should I leave my computer?
73:54We'll just walk out as it's playing? That's great.
73:57Yeah. All right. Cool. Must be 21 plus and present in select states.
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74:18Or call 1-877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY in New York.
74:21For Louisiana, call 1-877-770-7867. This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods, who has your back-to-school eats sorted.
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74:54I don't think I can be your friend, Isabella said.
74:57Rebecca's stomach flipped. This is the love story of real hinge couple Isabella and Rebecca, written and read by me, Temi Denton-Hurst.
75:05Listen to the free audiobook now. A.