A Wild Summer Mailbag
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1 hr 35 min
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May 18, 2026
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Mon, May 18, 2026
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Episode Transcript
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0:50Life's full of little surprises, like spilling coffee everywhere five minutes before a meeting or reaching for a diaper and realizing the bag is empty.
0:59Kind of like draft night. You think you know the plan.
1:02Then everything changes. Look, life can be unpredictable, but everyday shopping doesn't have to be.
1:07With great savings on essentials, Amazon helps you cover the basics and the surprises.
1:12Because when life throws a curveball, it's nice knowing there's a place you can count on.
1:17Amazon. Save on essentials. Save the everyday. For the Ringer Fantasy Football Show, my name is Danny Heifetz.
1:23Today I'm joined by Danny Kelly, Craig Horlbeck, and today we're doing a mailbag, baby!
1:28We're recording this May 7th. So if something happened between now and whenever this is running, that's why we didn't talk about it.
1:36We're recording this May 7th. I think you guys have come to my wedding between now and this recording and this episode.
1:43Hell of a time. Absolute blast. I'm so sorry for what I did, but it was a great night.
1:50We're like, does anyone have any objections? And Craig just shot his hand up.
1:54He was like, Jackie, you have one last chance.
1:57Okay. We're going to go into... I play the take purge horns right as you're walking down the aisle.
2:04Siren. Is now a good time? Help the Chris Sims!
2:07Okay, so we're going to go through a bunch of just great emails we've gotten that we just didn't have time to read.
2:15And I want to start with one that really spoke to my heart.
2:19I don't know if one of you guys wants to read this or not, but this is from...
2:25Well, first of all, it's Roman, but there's an I in it.
2:29R-O-M-A-I-N. Is it Romaine or is it Roman? R-O-A...
2:32R-O-A? R-O-M-A-I-N. R-O-M-A-I-N. R-O-A-I-N. Romaine. Might be Romaine. I think it's Romaine.
2:36Anyways, great email. Romaine. Our bone. So the subject line was cognitive push-ups.
2:40And Romaine's breakfast was drip coffee, yogurt, granola, and whatever fruit is best in season.
2:45Right now, it's a blood orange. Fuck yeah. Nice.
2:48Blood orange for breakfast is pretty great. That's badass.
2:51That's awesome. Also, the best named fruit. Yeah. It's kind of badass.
2:55Yeah. Blood orange. That's sick. Worst named fruit? Watermelon.
2:59Watermelon. Okay. What about kumquat? That's top five. I don't know what you're talking about.
3:04Yeah. Where are you coming from? What is a fucking kumquat?
3:07I don't know. It's a citrus fruit. You want a melon that's full of water?
3:12No. Sounds horrible. Ironically, you could call it watermelon.
3:15It should be called the blood melon. Yeah. Ooh.
3:18Ironically. Anyway. So Roman says, it's a little out of left field, but here we go.
3:24There was a few seconds of hesitation on a recent episode where Heifetz was trying to recall what the sister's name was
3:31from Arrested Development before realizing it was Lindsay Bluth.
3:34And Roman says, as a guy a little bit older than you, and in the spirit of that great episode, way back
3:41when you were earnestly discussing how to try to move more and be physically active as you enter your 30s.
3:48Let me tell you, Heifetz, these little long pauses when doing pop culture recalls are also a sign of age on the cognitive side.
3:56Yeah. It's tough. It's brutal. It's to be fought back as hard as back.
4:01Mental arthritis. This speaks to me. Mental arthritis. Lord knows my recall is not what it used to be.
4:07Yes. The recall is like there is. There's pills for that, DK.
4:11Exactly. Recall, Craig. So Roman says, we have this rule with friends from college that whenever we meet or in discussion at
4:18dinner and there's a Lindsay Bluth-Funkay moment happens where someone can't recall something.
4:23Lindsay Bluth-Funkay. Please say her full name. Lindsay Bluth-Funkay.
4:26So he says, whenever someone clearly has a much slower reaction time than is acceptable about a universally beloved cultural property, we
4:33stop whatever it is that we are doing and we immediately start a round of random recall bits.
4:39And every player takes a turn asking a random question.
4:42And the rest of the table has to reply as fast as possible.
4:47And each correct response scores a point. And the person with the fewest points for that round has to pay for lunch.
4:54Wow. It's a pretty fun idea. So. Like an impromptu quiz show.
4:58And so Roman says it's the equivalent of cognitive push-ups.
5:01And in the quest to age gracefully, we are adhering to it almost more religiously than 10,000 steps a day.
5:08There's always quite the scene when we are doing it with our spouses are there or at a couple's dinner.
5:15And then a serious conversation is broken because someone took an extra second to remember the name.
5:20John Edwards. And then suddenly all the boys break into an immediate contest of, what was the name of the actor playing Nate 90210?
5:28Who was right back for the English football team in 2002?
5:32What is the real name of Goose and Top Gun?
5:35And we're just screaming. And our spouses think. What is the real name of Goose and Top Gun?
5:41I don't know that. Ooh. I don't know that.
5:44You know Maverick's name. Name's Goose. What's Maverick's name?
5:47Pete Mitchell. Fuck. I'm buying lunch. So, anyone. They always like, look, we're trying to fight off Alzheimer's.
5:53You're fighting us in 20 years. So, he says, I thought this routine would be up your alley.
5:59I think this is a great role. His name was Lieutenant Nick Bradshaw.
6:04I've never heard that before in my life. But I think of him every time I sing, goodness gracious, great balls of fire.
6:11Oh, yeah. This is like that game. Take me to bed or lose me forever.
6:16That was good, DK. That's really good. You know the game where you like, somebody drops tennis balls and you just have
6:24to grab them as quickly as possible? This is like that, but mentally.
6:28It's so good. So, I sent this to you guys.
6:31And did you guys all, how many questions did you prepare?
6:35I have four. I came up with three. I missed the part where it was pop culture.
6:41So, I just came up with three quiz questions.
6:44But we can still do that, I think. But they're all things that require recall?
6:49I think so, yes. Okay, I have four. Yes, yes.
6:52Okay. So, we're just going to go. And so, one person goes and the other person can just shout it out.
6:59Are we just going to go? It's going to be two against one because I think we all looked up the answers on these, right?
7:07I know the answers to the ones I wrote.
7:10Yeah, same. Yeah, yeah. You can't answer the only question that you're answering.
7:15Yeah, yeah. That would be crazy. That would be what Heifetz does each and every week.
7:20Right. Right. If you want that, just listen to our Monday episodes during the season.
7:25I'm going to fucking kill you. Oh, my God.
7:28Are we each going to read one and go in order?
7:32Are we all going to do all this? Yeah, yeah.
7:35We'll go in order. You can start cracking, but we'll go one, two, three, one, two, three.
7:41All right. Ready? Yeah. Okay. Who was the starting quarterback for the Bears in the 2007 Super Bowl against the Colts?
7:48Rex Grossman. What the fuck? I also have one from that Super Bowl.
7:52Oh, really? What? Brian Urlacher. I literally was going to say name a running back from the Colts Bears Super Bowl.
7:59Edron James? No, no. Fuck. Running back? Colts Bears had a committee for the Colts.
8:04When was it, rookie? Oh, wait. The Colts. Was it Donald Brown?
8:08Before Donald Brown. God damn it, Donald. God damn it, Donald.
8:12No, that was before. That guy. No, Edron James?
8:15No. These two guys replaced Edron James. He went to Arizona, and I think he got the rushing record in Arizona.
8:22Bradshaw? No, he didn't. That's Ahmad Bradshaw on the Giants.
8:25He didn't write what to do if no one can get it, which is really sad.
8:30Matt Forte. No. Before Matt Forte. We're going to be here a while.
8:35I might just tell you. It was Joseph Adai and Dominic Rhodes in the committee for the Colts.
8:41And then Thomas Jones was the Bears starter, and then Cedric Benson got like two carries.
8:46Benson. Thomas Jones. How did we both pick the same Super Bowl?
8:50That's crazy. All right, DK. Weird. This one's different, a little bit different, but name the actors who played James Bond in order.
8:58Oh, Christ. Oh, and Sean Connery. No, no, no, no, no.
9:02He's not first. What? I think he was. Yeah.
9:05Sean Connery was the first James Bond? Yeah. According to the research that I did, which was very limited.
9:11Weren't there Bonds before that? There's Bonds after him that were very short-lived.
9:15There was one guy I'm never going to name, named something that did one episode he doesn't care.
9:21Daniel Craig, Pierce Brosnan, Sean Connery, and then the rest are tough.
9:25Well, Roger Moore. Oh, Roger Moore. Roger Moore did a lot.
9:29Yeah, yeah. There's one that starts with a T.
9:32Wasn't there a guy who did literally one? Yes, this guy.
9:36That would be David Niven, which you never would have gotten.
9:39He sucks. There's also a guy named George Lazenby.
9:42Oh, George Lazenby, yeah. The one that you're missing, it starts with a T.
9:47His name starts with a T. I don't know.
9:50Very famous actor has this first name now. Big name, big actor.
9:54Timothy Dalton. Yes, Timothy Dalton. Damn, nice, Heifetz. You know you're James Bond.
9:58Boom. So yeah, Sean Connery, David Niven, George Lazenby, Roger Moore in seven films, Timothy Dalton in two, Pierce Brosnan four, Daniel Craig five.
10:06That's a good question, GK. Okay, Craig, you're up.
10:09Who is Ethan Hawke married to? Is it Kate Winslet?
10:13No. The actress from the ninja, the samurai movie.
10:16What is it? Sorry, not samurai movie. This is good.
10:19Uma Thurman? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uma Thurman. No shit.
10:22I didn't know that. Yeah. You ever seen Maya Hawke?
10:25She looks exactly like Uma Thurman. That makes so much sense now.
10:29Wow, that's crazy. Kill Bill is the name of the movie.
10:33There you go. You created your own. I fucking recall is for a question inside of it.
10:39I get it now. Okay, we all like the show House, right?
10:43I've never watched it. Oh. Me neither. Yeah, that's fine.
10:46I know it's Hugh Laurie. Fine, then I'll just say else.
10:50Do you remember Tony Soprano's therapist's name? Dude, I have a Sopranos one.
10:54Jennifer Melfi. You know the first name? That's crazy.
10:57Yeah, fuck yeah. Dr. J. I'm watching The Sopranos right now, in fact.
11:01It's Dr. Melfi. I can't believe you did the first name.
11:05Yeah, Jennifer. You know who plays her? What's the actress's name?
11:09Dude, come on. That's not recall. I don't know.
11:12Lorraine Bracco. Come on. Oh, okay. Do you want me to do my Sopranos one?
11:17Yeah, of course I want you to do your Sopranos one.
11:20What are the names of Tony Soprano's two children?
11:23AJ and... Meadow. Meadow. Nice. Meadow. Yeah. Okay. AJ is Antonio Jr.
11:27Oh, yeah. Tony Jr. Good call. I was going to say J.A.
11:31because I watched it in the wrong order, but...
11:34Fucking weirdo. This is great. This is like cognitive push-ups.
11:38I feel like this is good. Yeah. What are the last...
11:41I think you said Antonio, by the way, not Anthony.
11:45A little Italian flair. What do you mean? Well, A.
11:48Yeah, his name's Anthony. Well, did I say Antonio?
11:51I said Antonio. My bad. My bad. My bad.
11:54So, obviously, my recall's not very good. What are the last three states to be added to the United States?
12:01Alaska, Hawaii, and... Fucking Washington? Nope. Alaska and Hawaii.
12:04Hawaii and Alaska. Hawaii and then Alaska and then Arizona.
12:07Yeah. DKs? These are less recall and more just trivia.
12:10I go with DKs. Okay. Well, I fucking didn't get the assignment right.
12:15Who's the actor who played Nate 90210? Dino seemed to be the thing.
12:19Okay. Anything else? Do you know the answer to that?
12:22Because I don't. Who played Nate 90210? Oh, no.
12:25I never watched 90210. But they're older than us.
12:28DK, I was going to ask you. Do you remember any of the three doctors?
12:33Is president stuff trivia or recall, Craig? Which president?
12:36I got a president one. Craig and I caught up around for like three presidents, dude.
12:42Right. Recall? If it's like something John Adams did, like I, you know, it's not really recall.
12:47Well... Okay. This is the one I was going to ask you.
12:51You don't have to answer it if you think it's stupid.
12:55Who are the three presidents who succeeded FDR during and after World War II?
13:00Yeah, that's not recall, but I know who they are.
13:03But like... It's kind of recall. Well, it's Harry Truman.
13:06Also, it succeeded. It's Harry Truman. And then... Eisenhower?
13:09Eisenhower and then JFK. Yeah. Good job. Good recall, Heifetz.
13:13That's not... Yeah. It's got pointed out to me at one point that I don't think we've ever had an instance where
13:20all three of us understand the game we're playing.
13:23Which I think is fair. Well, it was spawned from Lindsay Blue Funke, but I like that.
13:29No, I like it though. You're right. I did have to remember that.
13:33My recall and understanding of the game are both poor.
13:36Who played the original Mary Poppins? I don't know her name.
13:40Oh, it... She's also in Sound of Music. Julie Andrews.
13:43Nice. No, no. Dwight Eisenhower. No, DK actually did understand.
13:47I don't know how do you define recall. You knew what it was.
13:51You just forgot. No, it doesn't have to be pop culture.
13:55It has to just be something... It's a good question, but it's like...
13:59It's like I know it when I hear it, but I can't explain it.
14:04Exactly. Like, I would think... I was going to ask you.
14:07You loved House, right? Like me? The show? No, no.
14:11Was that with someone else? I've never watched House.
14:14I guess that was someone else. Not that I recall.
14:17Anyway. Fuck. Like... Like, if I'm like... Like, what's the capital of the country of Georgia?
14:22That's not recall. That's just trivia. Yeah. Yeah. But it's more like, what is you...
14:27Like... Yeah. Yeah. It's like, what is the name of this character in this movie?
14:32Who played Mary Poppins is definitely trivia. It needs to be something...
14:36But you were there for it. It needs to be something that...
14:40Honestly, I think the premise is like, it needs to be something that the average person probably knows.
14:46But also, it's something that you would have known when you were younger for a reason.
14:52Like, it's something in the moment you would have known.
14:55Yeah. What's the main car called in Cars? Like, at some point, you knew that.
15:00Lightning McQueen. Lightning McQueen. There you go. Okay, that's good.
15:04Right, right, right. Yeah. All right, I understand. That's a good way to put it.
15:09All right. Well... I think that's funny, though. I didn't prepare that way.
15:13No, it's all right. It's all right. What's the difference between recall and trivia?
15:18I'm fucking Googling. DK's like, how many M&Ms are in this jar?
15:22Recall is a cognitive process, how you remember. Trivia is a type of content, what you remember.
15:27So, yeah, that makes sense. Like, we do during the season when I'm like, how many mosquitoes does it take to kill you at one time?
15:36Like, you may not have ever known. How many gallons of water in the Atlantic Ocean?
15:41That's neither trivia nor recall. It's pure guessing. Yeah.
15:44It's like deduction. All right. Well, you know what?
15:47We'll keep doing this game. You know what, DK?
15:50I like what you're doing, though. It's a curveball.
15:53Keep doing it. We didn't mix up the pitches.
15:56Mix up the pitches. Yeah, that was... All right.
15:59Okay. Next one here. This is from Josh. Josh.
16:02Josh. I love that. It was all lists. It wasn't even quick.
16:06It was like, name six James Bonds. Name a woman.
16:10He's like, name all 32 NBA mascots. All 30 NBA mascots.
16:13That's actually pretty good. I thought so. I didn't feel that you didn't explain it because there's three examples of the email.
16:21The whole idea is that it's like rapid. You're like at dinner and you're like, ah, Julie Andrews.
16:27You know? Not like, wow, there's Roger Moore. Who else?
16:30George Lazenby. We got to fucking fill an hour here, all right?
16:34I was trying to help. Yeah, that's true. Let's go.
16:37All right. This is from Josh. Josh E. Josh E.
16:41My breakfast today was a raisin cinnamon bagel. Who says raisin cinnamon?
16:45That's a good call. Strike one, Josh. Raisin cinnamon bagel.
16:48You know what? Sorry, Josh. Your email has been cut.
16:51Yeah. Fuck this guy. It gets weirder. It gets weirder.
16:55Okay. He says raisin cinnamon bagel with peanut butter, a banana and a hot cup of water.
17:00What is this guy? Bill Simmons? A hot cup of water?
17:04I know it's good for you, but come on.
17:07What are we talking about? Are you a podcast host?
17:10It's a hot, hot ham water. He says just a smack of ham.
17:15What are we talking about? This is loopy. It's so watery.
17:18We were talking like a month ago about hockey names, but we got on this hockey player named Punch.
17:25Punch. Right, right. Punch Imlac. Punch Imlac. Punch Imlac.
17:28So Josh says here are some other NHL names that you might find funny.
17:32Dick Duff. Okay. Jordan Tutu. Ron Tugnut. Tugnut? How is that spelled?
17:36Straight out of Shorzy. It's exactly how you take.
17:39Yeah. Tugnut. Well, it's two Ts, Craig. Two Ts.
17:42At the end. Raddick. Are you saying pan or Pam?
17:46Pam or Pam. Dude. Oh, there's two M's. Ron Tugnut.
17:49Raddick Bonk. Bonk? There's a guy named Bonk. Harry Dick.
17:52Classic. There's a million of those these days. Then there's Dit Clapper.
17:56Dit? Dit. D-I-T Clapper. Dit Clapper. Dit Clapper. We called it saying the other day that the self clap.
18:03Yeah. There's a guy who's the world's fastest clapper.
18:06And he claps like this. Well, that's pretty good, Craig.
18:09Like, there also was a guy named Hap Day.
18:12Hap. Hap Day. Baldy Cotton. Gump Worsley. Gump. Gump.
18:15Gump. Gump. Worsley. God damn it, Gump. God damn it.
18:18One-eyed Frank McGee. Of course. Let me guess. He had one eye.
18:22Can you guess where he lost it? You've got one eye.
18:26Yeah. He lost it in a hockey game. Oh, yeah.
18:29That makes sense. Yeah, yeah. He lost it in a charity hockey game.
18:34Even better. For the kids. He lost his eye.
18:37Charity hockey game. But the best of all, this guy never made the NHL, but he played junior.
18:43There was a guy named Jim Bob Ghostkeeper. That cannot be his fucking name.
18:47Ghostkeeper? Jim Bob Ghostkeeper? Ghostkeeper. Oh, man. Jim Bob Ghostkeeper.
18:51There's a Reddit thread called name. There's a bracket in 2018 called name of the year.
18:56And it says, Canadian hockey player Jim Bob Ghostkeeper is the 2018 name of the year.
19:01Jim Bob Ghostkeeper. He beat Dr. Narwhal's mating. What?
19:04Dr. Narwhal's mating. How did he beat that guy?
19:07Narwhal's mating? Here's the final four. This is fantastic.
19:10What am I looking at? Who made this? The final four is Dr.
19:15Narwhal's mating versus Delicious Peters. And on the other side, we have Jim Bob Ghostkeeper versus Make-in-Love Petite Fard.
19:21Come on. The first name is Make-in-Love. That's cheating.
19:24M-A-K-E-N-L-O-V-E. Wow. Oh my God. I think Narwhal's mating.
19:27That was an upset that he lost. Dr. Narwhal's mating.
19:30Wait, did Dr. Narwhal's mating, he was a hockey player or these are just people?
19:35I see him here. Dr. Narwhal's mating. MD. Wait, is he practicing?
19:39Family medicine. 25 years of experience. Two out of five stars.
19:43Not great. That's tough. He's a physician in Springville, California.
19:46Wow. Two out of five stars? Should we... Imagine calling me...
19:50Not very good. Could I have Dr. Narwhal's mating?
19:53Dr. Narwhal's mating. Did you leave your Narwhal's mating?
19:56There's another Reddit thread. Today I learned there's a doctor in California named Dr.
20:01Narwhal's mating. There's some cool names here. There was a one seed that got knocked off.
20:06Salami Blessing. Delicious Peters. Reverent Dongo Peewee. Reverent. It had to be a reverent.
20:11Dongo Peewee. I don't know why, but the reverent really puts it over the top there.
20:16Dongo Peewee. Wow. Holy shit. Narwhal's. All right. Any other ones, Greg?
20:20No, that's about it. Ron Tugnut. There's somebody here named Tuna Altoona.
20:24Both spelled tuna. Tuna Altoona. Tuna Altoona. That one flows.
20:27I like that one. Tuna Altoona. We got an email here from Jesse.
20:32J-Bone. Jesse. Breakfast was a protein fruit smoothie, oatmeal coffee, and some box.
20:36What the fuck? I got to start screening these breakfasts.
20:39Some box. That's what they said. I kind of just mentally skip over the breakfast, but they did write that.
20:46I didn't really read that. What's that mean? Doesn't that mean like you're below your belly button in the Pacific Northwest?
20:53That's what Bob's. So he's in that order doing those things.
20:57I bet it wasn't in that order. Yeah. In an order that would surprise you.
21:02In an order that would particularly surprise you. In a particular order that would surprise you.
21:07And then he goes, ass mouth vag. What are you talking about?
21:11I don't know what that is. It's a Pete Holmes YouTube sketch.
21:15He's playing Batman. Oh my God. Right, y'all. All right.
21:19Jesse writes, Jesus. This guy. Well, how do you even go on from here?
21:23But okay. Jesse writes, today was at the local coffee shop doing some studying.
21:28The barista calls out matcha, ice, lavender, vanilla. And I look up and I think, what an effeminate drink.
21:34And then I look over and who do I see but Greg Warlbeck himself grabbing a drink.
21:40What the fuck? That is a lie. Is it?
21:43Yeah. I've never ordered a vanilla. What was it?
21:46Vanilla, lavender, matcha, ice, lavender, vanilla. No, not me.
21:49How dare you? It actually sounds interesting, but no, I've never ordered that.
21:53Probably had me mistaken with a handsome celebrity. Craig was like, God, what's up with your breath?
21:59This is funny. TK, that was good. Okay. And some box.
22:03I just mentally gloss over the breakfast that I read.
22:06Oh my God. Okay. This one is from, fuck, I lost your name.
22:10I'm sorry. Wait, so did that guy just make up that he saw me in a coffee shop?
22:16I think he did, yeah. Okay, just for fun.
22:19He just wanted to say that. And I thought to myself, what an effeminate drink.
22:24What a gay little drink. And then I saw Craig.
22:28Anyway, I just wanted to tell you guys that I had some box for breakfast.
22:33Yeah, I think I got played on that one.
22:36Yeah, we get it. This guy eats box and thinks drinks matcha is effeminate.
22:40Me thinks one doth protest too much. Yeah. I think you're right.
22:44Oh my God. All right, this one's from Paul.
22:47P-Bone. So we were talking about- Paulie. Paulie Walnuts.
22:50I forgot what we were talking about. We're talking about saving time in weird ways.
22:55I think we're talking about the guy who is, you know, four days in one day.
23:01I forgot what we were talking about. We bring that guy up like once a month and it's not enough.
23:07I love that guy. Wait, which guy? Craig's made me love this guy.
23:12The guy who's like midnight to 6 a.m. That's day one.
23:15Oh God. 6 a.m. to noon, day two. I'm already double ahead of you.
23:20I'm living 28 days a week. 21 day week.
23:23I feel like that's your favorite YouTube video, Craig.
23:26He's the best. It's your favorite video. I don't even know who that guy is.
23:31I should look into him. Who is he? I don't even know his name.
23:36Craig, I hate to tell you this, but he's a grifter.
23:39How dare you? What do you say? Oh, it's because we were talking about Hulk Hogan when he said Hulk Hogan was
23:47like, with the time shift to Japan, I wrestle 400 days a year.
23:51Crazy secret to have insane productivity. Ed Milet shares a crazy secret.
23:55If you want to be able to work 21 days in a row, then watch this video.
24:01Oh my God. So on this note, we got this email from Paul.
24:05He says, breakfast today plated delicious homemade pancakes made in a brand new stainless steel pan, pot of coffee, 24 minutes cold brew.
24:13Wow. He's describing coffee and cold brew is crazy.
24:16Describing the pan. Congrats on the pan. That's a new stainless steel pan.
24:20That's nice though. You get a new stainless steel pan.
24:23That's nice. Sure. The highest level of at home cooking is once you've learned how to actually use a stainless steel pan.
24:31Yeah. Where it's not like impossible to clean it.
24:34Yeah. Where like the chicken won't come off of it and it burns immediately and it just completely ruins it.
24:40I have only recently really figured out how to use stainless steel.
24:44Yeah. I'm still figuring it out. It's a nightmare.
24:47It's all about basically letting it get really hot.
24:50And also a little bit of, um, and like the meat will kind of come off the pan on its own.
24:57But also the key is after you pull the meat off and there's like a bunch of like burn shit, adding, taking
25:05it off the heat and adding a little bit of water.
25:08Yeah. Immediately lifts all that stuff off. And you can also make a sauce if you want with it.
25:15You got a stew going. You got a stew going.
25:18All right. What did Pete want? Oh, he says, Dwayne the, Dwayne, yeah, Paul, Dwayne the rock Johnson pisses in empty water
25:25bottles on set and in the gym to save time.
25:29In the gym? Apparently. I feel like gyms have bathrooms very close by.
25:33Seems like that'd be illegal. Yeah. Yeah. I remember when that came out, there was like a big story about that.
25:40And then the rock kind of fessed up. He was like, yeah, I do it to save time.
25:46Sue me. I'm busy. But I'm kind of like, I feel like he could get sued for that.
25:52It's not quite illegal. Do you think, I feel like he's powerful enough that he could just like tell everyone on set to just like, close your eyes.
26:01And then he just pees into a bottle. Also like, it's like what we do with like our, our six year old
26:09son where I'm like, okay, I need some privacy.
26:12Like how far away is the bathroom? Also, wouldn't it be easier to just have it in your rider?
26:18You need a bathroom near the set. Like also like, isn't that easier than pissing in a fucking butt?
26:24Which, what bottles are you pissing in? So like, isn't there a ton of downtime when you make a movie, like in
26:32between scenes and like setups, there's a lot of downtime for actors to go pee.
26:37If you're like on the jungle doing Jumanji or whatever, sure.
26:41But if you're on a Hollywood set, it's like, just have a really clean, nice port-a-potty.
26:46I feel like it'd be easier than ever to find somewhere to pee in the jungle.
26:51That's a good point as well. That's a great point.
26:55I don't, this is like, you don't need to pee into a bottle.
26:59Is there like a, like a, like a blue tent, like in the NFL, they erect for him to pee over?
27:06He's like, I gotta pee, bring in the tent.
27:09That'd be way more normal though. If you had a pee tent, that'd be fine.
27:14You're like, what is the cloaking apparatus he uses to pee in bottles on set?
27:19Also, what kind of bottle is it? Because I feel like if it's plastic, are you just pulling a Gatorade?
27:26I was going to say, is it like one of them like thick Gatorade bottles?
27:31Fit a Chode worth. But here's the question. Do you think it's a reusable bottle?
27:36Like, are they just counting on plastic bottles being around?
27:39What's a not reusable bottle? Like a paper bottle?
27:42A paper bottle? Well, I'm saying, is it like a Nalgene?
27:46Is it like a plastic bottle that they bring with them?
27:49And it's the rocks piss bottle? No, I bet you he uses the same bottle for the day and then throws it
27:57away and gets a new one the next day.
28:00But do you think it's a plastic bottle that you can be purchased or like a, like a reused, like a, like
28:07a Poland spring bottle you buy in a CVS?
28:10Or do you think it's like a actual, like nice water bottle?
28:14Like Floyd Mayweather would never wear the same underwear twice.
28:17He would throw them away. Is it like that?
28:20Well, I, you think it's probably not see-through, right?
28:23Like that's just off-putting. That's just off-putting. Well, do you got to line it up?
28:28Like, yeah, you're right. Like analogy really kind of has to be it here.
28:33You need a big opening. This doesn't, this sounds like anti-productive.
28:37What is it? Not productive? Anti-productive. It's like a counterproductive.
28:40It is. First of all, peeing in a cup for like when you go to the doctor and you have to pee
28:47in a cup, not an enjoyable experience. Well, I think he's, I think Hives is right.
28:53It's like a giant Nalgene that has like, you know, but this, this can't be five inch diameter.
28:59And he's just, you don't even have to aim.
29:02Well, you know, it's funny. I wonder who rocks piss handler is.
29:06Cause you know, Trump has this, this like aid.
29:09They call her the human printer because Trump wants everything.
29:12Like he refuses to read anything on a screen.
29:15He won't read anything screen. So anything that anyone needs to hand the president at any time, anything needs to be shown to him.
29:23This woman just has like five different kinds of printers.
29:26She carries around at all times. And depending on where they are, she prints it.
29:31It costs taxpayers $800,000 a week. And I'm wondering like who the rocks version of that is with his piss bottle.
29:38Who's the piss boy. Who's the, yeah. Who's literally the piss boy.
29:42He's got to have someone. You can't just give a piss bottle to anybody.
29:47Who's he handing it to? So is that why, that's why Trump's going strong still.
29:52Cause he doesn't look at screens. You know, he's off screen.
29:56That's a blue light. He doesn't drink and he doesn't have screens.
30:00He's going to live to 200. No drugs, no screens.
30:03No drugs, no screens. That's what Leo told Timmy.
30:06No superheroes, no drugs, no screens. You guys know what I'm talking about?
30:10Is that true? No hard drugs, no superhero movies.
30:13No superheroes, no hard drugs. Yeah. Is that really what he said?
30:17Apparently. These are mottos to live by, really. Dude, Sean Fennessey.
30:21Were you there, Craig, when he said Sean Fennessey was like, no white drugs, no white condiments.
30:27Like when I was an intern, no white drugs, no white condiments.
30:31Come on. So black tar heroines. Right. I don't know.
30:34Maybe that explains Sean's career. I don't know. Okay.
30:37Okay. Wait, well that email, what was the email?
30:40He just wanted to tell us that. Yeah. Okay.
30:43Just wanted to make us aware that the rock pisses in bottles.
30:47Performative efficiency is annoying. That is the word. It's performative efficiency.
30:51It's like, just take a piss. You don't have to take that many pisses a day.
30:56You're losing maybe like three minutes of your day.
30:59How much do you think Brady's pissing? I mean, doesn't he, he drinks like 200 milliliters of water a day.
31:06He's got to piss all the time. The last time Brady's pee was a color was like in the eighties.
31:12That would be funny to clear. If you ever end up pissing next to Tom Brady, it was just like a fucking fire.
31:20Like it was just like, it was like incredibly intimidating stream.
31:24I said 200 milliliters. I meant ounces. How many ounces does he drink a day?
31:29Isn't it like 200 ounces of water? A ton.
31:32Gallons. Yeah. Give it to me in gallons. How much water does Tom Brady drink a day?
31:37Underrated is his dad. Is Tom Brady's dad said that Tom Brady takes 45 pills a day, which maybe that's, he's exaggerating,
31:45but like that doesn't get talked about. It says 150 to 300 ounces, which is 1.2 to 2.3 gallons.
31:51So a gallon or two a day. Jesus. So like a gallon and a half a day.
31:57I guess it doesn't sound. That is a lot.
32:00That's a lot. What are we talking about? Well, he's sweating a lot.
32:04He played in Tampa field football in Florida. That's sweaty.
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32:54See you this summer. All right. DK, you actually, you actually volunteered to take an email here.
33:00Yeah, this one was great. So we talk about guys from the 1940s and fifties that there just wasn't enough people back then.
33:07So they lived these incredible lives and had just did all kinds of things.
33:12And the one guy that we're missing, this is very football related, Bud Grant, famous, legendary Hall of Fame coach.
33:19By the way, he's in the Canadian Football Hall of Fame and the NFL Hall of Fame, the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
33:26Oh, so it's sorry. This is, this email is from Alex.
33:30A bone. He said, please talk about Bud Grant on your pod.
33:34And he gave a very good list of why I should do that.
33:38So I went up, I looked up some stuff about Bud Grant.
33:42First off, his first name, his name is not Bud.
33:46That came from, I think his parents were calling him little buddy or something like that when he was, when he was a baby.
33:54It's just a good head. His real name is Harry Peter Grant.
33:58Harry Peter. Did they know? Come on. Harry Peter.
34:01They knew. Did they know? It wasn't Harold. It's Harry Peter.
34:04Anyway, he was born in 1927, Superior, Wisconsin, diagnosed with polio as a child.
34:09The doctor suggested that playing sports would help him.
34:12It's like straight out of like a Teddy Roosevelt type origin story here.
34:16Uh, doctor suggested sports. He went on to play all three sports in college.
34:21Um, Oh, sorry. First of all, he survived the armist, the armistice, sorry, armistice day blizzard, which is apparently a big thing
34:28in the Minnesota area by hunkering down in a gas station for several days.
34:33Apparently this was the biggest blizzard. The folks had seen in, in years, uh, in that area.
34:39Okay. All right. I can tell it's your first email.
34:42I just went into like telling a story like Norm MacDonald there.
34:46The, they, it was the, the biggest blizzard they'd seen in years there.
34:50Um, anyway, he survived it, graduated high school in 1945, joined the Navy and went to, he went to the Great Lakes
34:58Naval trading station and played on a team coached by Paul Brown.
35:02There was not very many people back then. Paul Brown, if you remember, is the guy who the Browns are named after and also who founded the Bengals.
35:11So this guy out of high school, Bud Grant, Paul Brown invented pro football.
35:16Bill Belichick would say Paul Brown's the best coach ever.
35:19He invented the playbook. Yeah. So Paul Brown also invented, I read some other things he invented off the top of my head.
35:27It was like some really random stuff, like watching tape or something like that.
35:31Anyway, he just invented tape period. Bud Grant got out of the Navy, went to university of Wisconsin, played football, basketball and baseball.
35:39He was a nine time letterman, which that's, that's a lot.
35:43His letterman's jacket. I mean, think about the women he was pulling in those days with that thing.
35:49He's like a tennis player. He's basically a tennis player.
35:52He was drafted by the Eagles in the NFL and the Lakers in the NBA.
35:57Wow. Drafted by two sports, played two seasons in the NBA.
36:01He was the only player to be drafted by the NFL.
36:04Wow. Two seasons. And he won a championship with the Lakers in 1950.
36:09Back then they were actually in a place with lakes in Minneapolis.
36:13Wow. And then he decided after that, that he wanted to go to the NFL.
36:18So he went to the NFL first year. He played defensive end.
36:22He led the team in sacks after the first year.
36:25He decided that's too easy. I'm going to go play on the other side of the ball.
36:31I'm going to be receiver. And then he ranked second in the NFL and receiving yards.
36:36This is his second year. That right there is not very many people on, the team, I guess, or in the league.
36:43I don't, I don't know. After two years with the Eagles, they didn't want to pay him.
36:49Well, I feel like just, I feel like you could just say though, you're telling me that in three years, he was
36:56like, I want a championship with the Lakers easy.
36:59Then would let the NFL in sacks. It was like easy.
37:03And then was third in receiving yards in three consecutive years.
37:07And then the Eagles were like, we're good. Yeah.
37:10They got into a contract dispute. He led the league in sacks and then was the number two receiver in the league.
37:17And they're like, we don't, we don't watch you.
37:20Yes. Correct. That's fun. And then he, so he went to the CFL, by the way, he was a little curmudgeonly.
37:27He was very big on discipline. So maybe it was like, we're not paying this jerk or something.
37:33I don't know. He wasn't like a jerk, but he was very disciplined.
37:37He was very big on discipline. Okay. Um, so anyway, he decided to go to the CFL and he conquered Canada.
37:44He played for the Winnipeg blue bombers, three-time all-star.
37:47He was so good at directing people on the field, being like a field general that they made him the head coach
37:55of the team at 29 years old. Um, um, as a player, by the way, by the way, in addition to being
38:02an NBA player, uh, a guy who led his team in sacks and a guy who was second in the NFL in
38:09receiving, he also had five interceptions in one game, which was the record.
38:14I don't, I couldn't find any indication of why he was playing on defense in this game, but he had five interceptions,
38:21which is still the pro pro football record. Wow.
38:24And he's the head coach of the team. Yeah.
38:27Right. Matt, he was playing for the blue bombers.
38:30That might go down as the worst coaching performance by the opposing coach who continued to throw at Bud Grant.
38:37Why? You're throwing right at the other coach. So he was the coach football player getting five picks at a game is fucking insane.
38:45Yeah. Uh, he was the coach of the blue bombers for 10 years.
38:49They went to the gray cup, which is like the super bowl for the CFL, uh, six times in 10 years.
38:56They won four. And then he went back to the NFL.
39:00He's like, this is too easy. I'm going back to the NFL in 1967.
39:05He was hired as the head coach of the Vikings.
39:08Uh, he was known for a strict discipline. As I mentioned, in fact, one anecdote was he was really annoyed with how the team was standing.
39:17During the national anthem fidgeting and holding their helmets.
39:20And I don't know what they were doing. They were just not in order.
39:24So they, he had, he actually required the team to stand at attention and they practiced the national anthem.
39:31They practice standing for the national anthem. We used to be a country.
39:35You guys, uh, and now we're kneeling for it.
39:38God. Uh, anyway, so Bud Grant led the Vikings to four super bowls.
39:42They lost all of them, but, uh, still a very good coach.
39:46Also fun fact, he had gray hair in high school.
39:50Really? Yeah. And he would tell his players that he got into coaching to feed his six children and that it was
39:57a good way to make a living. Uh, he would go hunting on Saturdays, even during the season.
40:03Uh, he needed the food. Yeah. He hated showboating and trash talking.
40:07So he banned spiking the football as a celebration.
40:10The players were so upset about this. They, they just desperately wanted to be able to spike the football.
40:16It was all the cool kids were doing it in the league at the time.
40:21And he wouldn't let them do it. So he made a rule.
40:25He compromised. This is a great coach right here.
40:28He compromised with his players. He allowed one spike per season per player.
40:33Oh, wow. It's the spike purge. Yeah. Um, he was the Viking side coach for 18 years.
40:38He's one of two coaches ever to win the great cup and go to, or I guess he didn't win a super bowl.
40:46What am I talking about? He did win a super bowl.
40:50He won super bowl four. What's that? Vikings won super bowl four.
40:54Oh, sorry. My, I'm, I miss miss made a note here, but yeah, he won the super bowl.
41:00He won the super bowl and the great cup.
41:03And you know, it's funny. We were talking about this a few episodes ago about just like how long these people lived.
41:10Bud Grant died during the pandemic. Yeah. He was 92.
41:13He did. They asked Bud Grant to come back to the Vikings in like 2000.
41:181978. He died in 2000. When he was 78.
41:21I mean, he died in 2023 at the age of 95 and technically worked for the Vikings until he was 94.
41:28He was an advisor. Uh, the other fun fact is he was Pete Carroll's mentor.
41:33Pete Carroll talks about this guy all the time.
41:36Absolutely loves Bud Grant. Um, and, and, and to be serious for a minute, he's like one of the biggest, most influential people in NFL history.
41:45So shout out Bud Grant had an amazing life.
41:48Uh, did some things that no one has ever done.
41:51It was like five interceptions in a game. Stop throwing them.
41:55He's like, I'm the only guy who took off his skate and tried to stab a guy.
42:01Uh, DK, I heard a Norm MacDonald joke yesterday.
42:04That was really funny. He was talking about how they say that comedians are modern day philosophers.
42:09He's like, man, that's really insulting to modern day philosophers.
42:13Oh man. I was watching the, the Norm MacDonald roast of, uh, what's the guys from, from full house.
42:19What's his freaking name? Bob Saget. Bob Saget. That's recall.
42:22There we go. That's recall. No, we got to do it now.
42:26He forgot. What are the twins? Dave did full house.
42:30Ooh, Mary Kate and Ashley Olson. Oh, I thought you were talking about the character.
42:35Oh yeah. Characters. I don't know the characters. Mary Kate and Ashley.
42:39I think so. I think so. No, there's only one.
42:42I always fucked that up with the Olsons. Yeah, no, it was, it was not twins in the show.
42:48They just, they played the, the, the character together.
42:51Yeah. Which is, it's because they would often do that because of like child, like labor laws.
42:57Yeah. They wouldn't let the kids work. And I know the children, they yearn for the minds.
43:03Dude. Every time I see that, maybe it's like Minecraft is the number one video game in America.
43:09It's like the children, they yearn to return. Kids love to work.
43:13Who doesn't? The dogs can have jobs, but not kids.
43:16Unbelievable. Anyway, Norm, he, in his, in his roast of Bob Saget, he just like went out and purposely bombed and did
43:23like the most like hilarious, terrible jokes. He's like, talking to this, uh, this one older comedian lady.
43:29He's like, people say you're over the hill, but I, I say you can't be over the hill.
43:35Not with the car you drive. And then just like holds it.
43:39He's like, talk about this other comedian. He's like, he has the eyes of an Eagle, the wisdom of a owl and the talons of a hawk.
43:48Ladies and gentlemen, this man is for the birds.
43:51There's a certain, like the level of confidence you have to have to just do that.
43:57He's like one of one. I don't know who else could have done that.
44:01Bob Saget. He has a beautiful face. He has a face of a flower.
44:06Yeah. A cauliflower. A cauliflower. A cauliflower. He has the face like a cauliflower.
44:11See, this is recall. See, I can recall, I can recall the comedian's like bits.
44:16It's because you saw it. I can't recall names or anything.
44:19Yeah. What's the, what's the actor's name who plays the hot uncle in Full House?
44:25Oh, it's a John Stamos. Stamos. Yep. Fuck yeah.
44:28Who's the other guy? Who's the other uncle? The cut it out guy?
44:32I always thought he was. Dave Coulier. I don't know his name.
44:36I never knew his name. I always got his name wrong.
44:40Cause I just thought he became someone else. It was more famous.
44:44Cut it out. That was such a great joke at the time.
44:48When I was four, I was like, that's a great bit.
44:51Yeah, please. Cut it out. And then I grew up.
44:55I'm like, it kind of sucks. Have you ever watched that show?
44:59Oh yeah. It's great. I watched Full House all the time.
45:02That's the, one of the best entourage bits. It's just, it's just Bob Saget fucking is crazy.
45:08Bob Saget is the nicest human being in that show.
45:11And then he's just like this crazy person. That show made me think Bob Saget was like a horrible person.
45:18I kind of still wonder. I know. Bob Saget's insane.
45:21Dude, Bob Saget entourage is a lot of heater.
45:24Wait, I have to, I've, I missed something. By the way, this one's from Nick.
45:29I got Dan Quill wrong. Someone wrote on behalf of all the Gen X, Dan Quill was not Ronald Reagan's VP.
45:36He was George H. George W. George H. Yes.
45:39I got that wrong. Oh yeah. I remember, I remember thinking that sounded wrong at the time that you said that, but I didn't remember it exactly.
45:48But the Dan Quill thing was like, he was not everybody just, he was like a dumb guy.
45:54Have you ever looked up Dan Quill quotes? Dan Quill, Dan Quill said some of the dumbest should have ever heard.
46:01Like all the SNL bits and stuff on Dan Quill is just like, he's an idiot.
46:07Anyway, still younger than, uh, than Biden. Third youngest vice president in U S history.
46:12Dan Quill. One of the things, quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.
46:17True. There's a lot of, there's like, I got to find some good Dan Quill stuff.
46:23I've made good judgments in the past. I've made good judgments in the future.
46:27The future will be better tomorrow. That's kind of, I kind of liked that one.
46:32Now, now we have like Donald Trump telling a room full of children that Iran was eight days away from killing all of them.
46:40Dude, the Trump's Trump speaking to children is another level.
46:44I got to tell you, I didn't think this man could rattle me anymore, but the combination of he, it was like
46:51first term when he answered the phone, it was like, on Christmas day.
46:55And it was like, you still believe in Santa?
46:58What are you like eight? Isn't that about borderline?
47:01Like, I thought that was like, but the Easter one, when he walked out with the fucking Easter buddy behind him and
47:09started addressing how we're going to, and like in front of all the children and was talking about Joe Biden's auto pen
47:16at a table of like seven year old children.
47:19It's like another level. Like, Oh my God. Dan Quell.
47:22It was just so innocent. And we were so young.
47:26Cheeky. Yeah. He's like telling all the kids about Iran.
47:29Oh my God. Eight days away from killing all of you.
47:33It's honestly like George W. Bush. The whole meme exists because he didn't want to tell the kids.
47:39Right. Like, he didn't want to alarm the children.
47:42Stop. Stop reading the book. All right, kids. I have to tell you something.
47:46Oh my God. They walked into that room right there just now.
47:50I'm reading these quotes. These are really funny. Oh, Dan Quell?
47:54No, the Trump with the children. What did he actually say?
47:58He said, oh wait, let me scroll. So wild.
48:01He, he claimed that Iran would have launched a nuclear strike against the U.S.
48:05and Israel if he didn't start the war. And added, he's telling this to kids.
48:10Six year old children. It's a kid. And added, we can't let Iran have a nuclear weapon.
48:16School children. Oh, that's good. Getting started early. He's just being pragmatic.
48:20like we should do that. Trump just doing the night of the George Bush meme, but he just starts laying into it.
48:27He's like, they what? Holy fuck. Oh, fuck. We are fucked.
48:31Classroom of kids. Oh my God. This episode is brought to you by Amazon.
48:36Life's full of little surprises, like spilling coffee everywhere.
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48:44Kind of like draft night. You think, you know, the plan, then everything changes.
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49:03Amazon, save on essentials, save the everyday. The road to the NBA finals ends here.
49:08With star guards setting the tone. The Cavs eye another upset.
49:11While the Knicks carry the dreams of all of New York.
49:15The Eastern Conference finals. Cavaliers Knicks. Game one. Tonight.
49:18ESPN. This one's from David. Oh, speaking of recall.
49:21D bone. There's no, you have no chance. I was telling you guys right now.
49:26You have no chance. This, uh, David says breakfast was two shots of espresso.
49:31Last night at the bar trivia, they asked this question.
49:34Major general, sir, Nils. Olaf. The third is a colonel in chief of the Norwegian Kings guard residing in a Scotland zoo.
49:41What animal is he? And David writes, it took me a few seconds, but then I was like, I've heard that name before, but where?
49:50And then bang. It's from the ringer fantasy football show.
49:53They talked about him like two years ago. He was a mate.
49:57He's a major general, a major general. No, he's major general, sir.
50:01Nils. Oh, love the third. And he's at the Scotland zoo and David got it right.
50:06And so I ask you, do you remember what animal is?
50:10Major general, sir. Nils. Oh, love the third, who is a colonel in chief of the Norwegian Kings guard.
50:16Do you remember an animal? Nils. love is. I looked this up.
50:21So I won't say DK, do you remember? Crushing.
50:24So we talked about pigeons holding high ranks in armed forces.
50:27We talked about the bear, of course, he's being in command of troops.
50:32Hold on. I have way tech. So I wouldn't have gotten this, but I, after looking it up, I do remember us talking about this.
50:40Someone, someone sent me shout out to the person who went to the windy city bowls, the G league bowls.
50:47So it avoid tech, the bear. It's avoid tech.
50:50It's avoid tech, the bear with the windy city bowls.
50:53Sorry. What, what rank was he again? That was, that was corporal.
50:57Boy tech was a corporal, right? This guy's a fucking major general.
51:01Um, pretty crazy. I don't know. I'm thinking like a seal or something.
51:05What is it? Uh, you kind of fuck away there.
51:09Walrus? No. Penguin. Yes. Yeah. Aquatic animal. I was on the right track.
51:13This shit's crazy, man. I went back and was looking up Mr.
51:17Olaf's, uh, resume. That's Sir Olaf. Sir Olaf's resume.
51:20He didn't get knighted so you could call him Mr.
51:23Also, basically this whole thing happened because some general visited the zoo and was like, I like the penguin.
51:30And then he just like made him a Colonel.
51:33Maybe the Trump era is not that weird. Actually.
51:36Cash Patel is like just bourbon. He's like, here, you can have Jesus Christ.
51:40Also the first Olaf died shortly after his promotion to Sergeant in 1987.
51:45In combat. And then they, and then they just found another guy that looked like him and named him Olaf the second.
51:52And he gave it to his son. And they found another penguin that looked like the other penguin.
51:58they used a phrase that I, his place was taken by, is it Nils or Niles?
52:03What's his name? Oh, it makes sense. Nils. Nils.
52:06Nils. Nils. Nils. Nils. Nils. Nils. Nils. Nils. olav the second was appointed as colonel in chief of the same of whatever
52:14and then uh they're just replacing the neil the they're just like doing the clone thing yes there was a four foot
52:21statue created for olav that's at the edinburgh zoo um and this yeah oh yeah it is the edinburgh zoo and the
52:28statue's inscription includes references to both the king's guard and to the military tattoo wait the what the military tattoo is a
52:36penguin yeah i don't i don't know what that means i we're just giving you fold in the cheese dk you just
52:43fold it in so like one day some guy's like ah the penguins colonel in chief now colonel he's like imagine the
52:50other guys who wanted promotions who were like are you fucking kidding this fucking penguin i passed over for a penguin there
52:58was some guy who couldn't earn that rank just some general is like i like i speak seven languages i've gone to
53:05i've got my phd in battlefield tactics and this fucking penguin outranks me now i like the penguin make him a sergeant
53:12i like the penguin oh my god he was initially a lance corporal in the battalion but he worked his way up
53:20worked his way up the old-fashioned way i want to read so uh nut kick guy the guy who said he'd get
53:27kicked in the nuts by his friend possibly could if he's running back with the first pick now he's bowing out of
53:34it uh we wow his wife made him bow out of it his wife made him bow out of it we are
53:42asked i asked for wives all seven of our female listeners who i think going forward the seven we're bathing in the
53:49light of the seven right now we appeal to the seven we worship at the altar of the seven we worship at
53:56the altar of of all seven women uh female listeners so we asked for some wives some wife advice here wife advice
54:04whoa holy shit has rocello not thought of that man that's good if that is not taken your honor it clearly has
54:11a w not an l we put like a soft hold on that yeah wife advice wife advice is we call five
54:18it also could be just craig talking in his kid kid voice what what do you say welcome to wife advice my
54:26favorite plays of the day oh this is there's something here we fives on that one we got an email here from
54:33k-web wife advice holy shit uh all right write that down i seriously i'm putting it in caps that's a keeper all
54:40right well okay but really though what's the wife advice okay so oh wait hold on so this is from anika anika
54:48a bone and the the as the subject line states i am a listener who is also a wife i'm not only
54:55a listener i am a wife my husband and i have not had children but even with that mind i would never
55:02stop him from going through with the ball kicking obviously it's idiotic yeah and probably isn't worth the medical risk but i
55:10refuse to be a scapegoat i'm in four of his five fantasy leagues so i would have no problem clearing my good
55:17name from all involvement in the group text as for a proxy punishment my sister-in-law calls her dad a puppet whenever he
55:24does or says something that she perceives to be appeasing her mom so maybe thomas's league mates need to make him a
55:32shirt that says puppet across the front and make him wear it to all future social events when he's with his wife
55:39yeah that's good like pirates of the caribbean it's like oh no puppet uh and she says by the way i'm a
55:4630 year old group in michigan a chode is a dick that is wider than it is long should that be the
55:54new end of the breakfast description a dick that is wider you have to cap your email with what you think showed
56:01me yeah breakfast is what you had is to start but the end of the email is what you think it's a
56:08chode is we're basically like you have to like fill out a fucking form to send us an email now like fill
56:16out your application take a number all right this one's for liz elbow my qualifications i am a wife who listens to
56:23the fantasy football podcast oh then no not liz you hear that this is my job this is not it's a vocation
56:31even i'm not a joke i still remember going to the dc live show and being like liz was that the first
56:38time you ever heard one of our episodes what did she say yep she just kind of smiled yeah craig's gonna get
56:45this this nut kick situation she's gonna hear liz is gonna hear one episode she's like you can't do that anymore all
56:53right so liz writes my breakfast coffee the chobani creamer oikos vanilla yogurt my husband got me into fantasy football now unfortunately
57:00i'm unable to quit and obsessively obsessed with winning therefore i now listen to y'all which is that's i mean and even
57:07i that's the best strategy but yes i even listened to the draft show and now know too much about reuben bain's
57:15arm length anyways to answer the question of if i would let my husband he kicked in the balls if he made
57:22a stupid bet the answer is no context we don't have kids i'm 27 he's about to be 29 we're likely gonna
57:29have kids in the next two to three years therefore i would feel the need to intervene on behalf of my mental
57:37health and our potential future children if he put both testicles in jeopardy however while he would save his balls he would
57:44have to pre he would have to pay recompense i don't she maybe she's a lawyer pay recompense for reneging on the
57:51agreed upon terms and to fulfill the original premise yeah my proposal he would have to find a whipping boy a stand-in
57:59someone who would be willing to be kicked in the balls a champion until he found a stand-in and the deed was
58:06done he would not be able to participate in the league not only would he have to search for someone willing to
58:13do this but he would have to deal with the shame of asking someone to do this for him and this is
58:21the best part never has anyone done this ever before she then writes i'm cc my husband on this email in case
58:28he has any thoughts oh that's good oh that i really like that rule i volunteer as tribute she cc'd her husband
58:35and was like let me know if you think what you think can he pay a substitute or no or does it
58:43have to be like through pure honor love of the game yeah i don't know love of the game respect he has
58:50to appeal to someone's chivalry you know i don't think you can pay that gets into some murky you know some murky
58:57ethics i feel like what if he if he has like pay someone to take a nut shot for him my friend
59:05kyle used to get he would i mean man he was broke when we first got to dc and he was like
59:12he would get drunk he'd be like if you give me 20 bucks you kick me in the balls right now what
59:19oh my god it's like i just want to feel something there's 64 more days until next to your sake tryouts it's
59:27pretty smart because the more you drink the less you feel it and by you know yeah yeah yeah um shut up
59:34kyle this is like a test of friendship does he have any friends who would be willing to do this i no
59:41way do you guys have any friends who would do this for you that's a crazy thing to ask someone that's a
59:49crazy no one loves me that much saying this like hey man so i i said i made a crazy bet that
59:56i'm gonna kick to the balls but i kind of decided me and my wife were like we don't really want me
60:03to do it so like will you do it we don't want me to do it but but you don't have a
60:11wife and are single so like who cares if you know your balls don't matter right yeah your balls don't matter uh
60:18we might be doing the world a favor uh if we take your balls out of it i mean me and all
60:25my friends decided that if anybody needs to get kicked in the nuts it's you it's me the first person someone asked
60:33is so insulting uh yeah i i i like the creativity it lives but i can't fathom finding someone who is finding
60:40a champion is really good for this i like finding a champion well they got to be rewarded somehow i feel like
60:47so i want to there's one other one here that blew my mind well i want to no there's one other white
60:55female that i think is important for us to read oh it's from carly sea bone or k bone maybe this is
61:02a thrill carly writes my breakfast was supposed to be a breakfast burrito with egg cheddar cheese bacon and pineapple salsa but
61:09my five-year-old ate it while i was getting ready for work so i had a bowl of raisin bread god damn it
61:17that kid's gonna be strong patriarchy starts young baby children ate my mom's breakfast just fucking wandering around in the kitchen oh
61:24i'll eat this should have been standing there you gotta get that high up you know oh my god so carly writes
61:31i am a wife one of the seven one of the seven we appeal to the seven all seven um i i
61:39am under under her eye i love that the women listening to the show are now called the seven that makes me
61:46really happy uh i am a wife and if my husband made such a stupid bet i would tell him to stand
61:53there and take it like a man play stupid games win stupid prizes which is one of my favorite saying fuck around
62:01and find out pal carly continues but we also have three young kids and i know the result of said kicking the
62:08nuts would result in him being bedridden for the next week which is the only reason i would veto it it's logistics
62:16right here i mean you logistically can't afford to have it yes his stupidity should not result this well carly's his stupidity
62:23should not result in my suffering right it's not her punishment it's his that's intersectionality right there and so carly writes update
62:30after i wrote the first paragraph i realized i should mention i'm also an emergency room nurse and i spoke with one
62:38of my doctors about this situation and he said he would highly recommend coming to some other agreement because the medical term
62:45for getting kicked to the nuts is uh blunt urogenital trauma and the upward trajectory of a kick is much more likely
62:52to lead to severe injury to any of the associated anatomy in that region due to forcefully compressing the soft tissue against
63:00the bony structure if a direct hit almost a guaranteed visit to the operating room operating room that is at a certain
63:07level of trauma the testicle cannot be repaired it just has to be removed and a perennial injury aka injury to the
63:14gooch or taint or chode if you will gooch or taint no bundle can have serious consequences due to traumatic compression of
63:22the bulbar urethra so the guy allowed it make him shit their pants well we're getting there so so the guy who
63:29allowed himself to be almost punched in the in the gooch but got hit in the balls actually got lucky because the
63:36fact the ball sack and swing dissipated the force that was transmitted if he had actually been punched in the perineum the
63:44results could have been a lot worse than shitting yourself really so it's like the anti g spot exactly that's exactly that
63:51was you took the word to carly remind me what would happen if you get punched really hard in the in the
63:58chode or in the gooch i should say you're saying shit your insides out wait the doctor confirmed this no it's you
64:06don't shit it's a lot of shit next sentence is i saw some pictures of what that would look like i'll spare
64:13you the nightmares is the exact quote dk were you what are you like thinking about dabbling and getting kicked really hard
64:20in the perineum no i don't want that no no i still stand by dk being like i was like doing uppercuts
64:28he's like what are you doing that's definitely the way to do it i just think it's like you're coming in blind
64:35there you gotta have them bend over and spread them that's fucking crazy dk's human centipede over here trying to insane just
64:42saying you're just punching a region that that way you gotta get a good like to be accurate why do you have
64:50to spread your ass i don't know i was just kidding uh okay so wait i thought that was a great email
64:57however it continues okay wow carly then writes my take purge she was like you guys are talking about animals that can
65:04kill you take you down like we were talking about an ostrich last episode of take purge we were talking about craig
65:12could he kill a cheetah um jackie thought i was really stupid for agreeing with that take that craig could kill cheetah
65:19jackie i couldn't well i was like they're the xavier worthy they can they're fast but nothing yeah nothing else and jackie's
65:26like but they're really fast and i was like but that doesn't matter jackie's like that's really fucking stupid of course it
65:34matters you need and then you call them a bitch jackie picked up a cheetah jackie called him a bitch jackie picked
65:41up this little stuffed cheetah she has check out calvin dk's son me and calvin picked out a cheetah out there for
65:48jackie for her birthday jackie picks up this cheetah calvin and i got her picks it up she was like you see
65:56his little paws that you think aren't so sharp and i was like yeah she hits me in the face with it
66:03she's like it matters that they're fast beating me that's pretty good wow he's like anyway wedding planning is going great god
66:10wish me luck uh so carly writes on this note about the killing an animal carly writes my take purge is i
66:18have to let you guys know i think a squirrel would kick all of your asses well they do carry rabies maybe
66:25nope the only mammal in the animal kingdom that can't carry rabies fun fact actually so never mind the only one so
66:32take that back i think they can i think they did it nope they can't uh we've talked about this we have
66:40sure that there's some way that they can but anyways all right whatever i digress anyway so she writes so this is
66:47where the email just gets great she says carly says i am a falconer sure she's a wife first a listener second
66:54and a falconer third emergency room nurse on the on the clock she says i'm a falconer i hunt with birds of
67:02prey jesus christ this is badass she's sick man my hunt with birds of prey whoever this guy is is lucky uh
67:09she says my favorite bird to hunt with is a red-tailed hawk okay of course king of the forest red-tailed hawk talons
67:16are one and a half inches of razor sharp points with a crushing force of 200 pounds per square inch that can
67:24snag prey or a person's hand or face don't ask who i know faster than a professional boxer and all that's to
67:31say wow my hawks have gotten beaten by squirrels whoa to the point where the hawk was like nah i just won't
67:38eat today because squirrels have sharp claws strong teeth their skin is tough as leather and if one aggressively came after you
67:46you would get shredded reddit oh yeah why what if i punted it let me tell you something right now i'd kick
67:53the shit out of the squirrel i think you're gonna get beat by a squirrel dude why you can't even fly these
68:00fucking falcons can fly dude the squirrels could go up a tree jump on your fucking head i'd catch it craig is
68:08scaling i don't catch it i would throw it on the ground and stomp on its little head oh i don't think
68:15you could you don't think so no you're telling me that your life is on the line and it's me versus a
68:23squirrel and you pick you're picking a squirrel oh dang your life is on the line and it's a fight to the
68:30death between me and a squirrel fight to the death i suppose it's a great take purge oh that's funny i suppose
68:37i would pick you but i think the point the hawk the hawk bails because it's like this isn't worth my time
68:45i can go kill something that's that's you know i'll go kill a fucking bunny or something yeah yeah so carly also
68:52said if we're ever in uh the minneapolis in the winter she'll hook us up and she'll take us hawking holy shit
68:59which would love to go fucking falconing and hawking i saw some video of a guy who drives around with hawks okay
69:07and he the idea is getting rid of invasive bird species and these hawks hunt these other birds and take them out
69:14and he'll be like dry he'll be cruising around like a drive-by hawking and and release the hawk as he's driving when
69:21it sees one of these crazy and it just takes them out dude i sent you pictures i'm sending you the pictures
69:29carly said these are the pictures carly sent me holy shit talking her hawks are pretty crazy red-tailed hawk wow uh i
69:36wouldn't want to fuck with a hawk these things are dude birds are nuts talons golden eagles you ever seen one of
69:43them great a fight to the death i i break i respect the take but i'm killing that squirrel i i i
69:51think i will say though some of them city squirrels that aren't used to people i gotta tell yeah i got punked
69:58out of there's a great little hidden spot in dc called um the it's like the signers island or something it's a
70:05little island off the beaten path but it's on the ball and it's like a really nice place to kind of sit
70:13for like a quiet lunch it's a romantic spot took jackie there for lunch and we kind of just like had some
70:20sandwiches and we're sitting around and it's a squirrel i'm not gonna lie i got fucking punked by this squirrel because like
70:27i like basically the squirrel came right up to us i'm talking like touching my shoes like trying to swipe they're like
70:35little kangaroos where up close pretty scary and they're kind of swiping when you shave all their all their hair off they're
70:42fucking yeah and yeah you guys we should see rick in morning dude tickets please guys just read it but dude so
70:49i like stepped a battle to the death it's a rodent dude i stepped at the squirrel squirrel didn't move he's like
70:57kobe muscle i stepped at it and it was like yeah dude like and it was like swiping at me it was
71:04like it's like city pigeons man they don't give a fuck honestly the hardest line in all succession is like when logan
71:11roy right at the end of the final season is just like the rats are so fat they don't even scurry away
71:19i'm like yeah that is that is a city rats bee um one time one time at you when i was at
71:26washington university of washington i saw a squirrel running around with a fucking huge rice crispy treat in his face in his
71:33mouth it was like three times the size of his body i was like this this squirrel is that was the best
71:41day of its life and then it died that night he went out with a bang that was like a star face
71:48of rats yeah he just od'd on sugar and hit the mother load boys i will say the pizza rat though was
71:55like pizza rat was was an old timer that was like as an entire city was like yeah you guys know what
72:03a rat king is uh is it the king of the rats um no it's not okay what is it it's when
72:10a group of rats get so tangled up that their tails become intertwined so that and they can no longer escape and
72:17they just become a giant super rat don't like that is that a real thing i don't know look it up that
72:25reminds me of the in the movie kingpin he's like he's talking to bill murray's character he's like i don't know mr
72:32mccracken is this legal he's like i don't know it's fun though isn't it i don't know it's fun though holy shit
72:39oh god who sent rat king to the fucking group chat jesus christ yeah uh yeah look at that that's a rat
72:47king oh i don't like that at all no not a fan of that uh i don't know if we're gonna beat
72:54any of that for the um we have a couple other ones here i did want to just mention a lot of
73:01the people who i asked for people email and if they ever got a lifetime supply of something one a lot of
73:09people oh right right two seems like a load of horse shit yeah it's all bullshit you got to pay taxes on
73:16it which sucks oh so you get a car from wheel of fortune they're like great here's like you owe like eight
73:23grand so most people just take it in cash but they're also just like oh yeah like a lifetime supply of pop-tarts
73:31you have one pop-tart a month for 50 years here's like 20 boxes and you get to pick it's like a lot
73:38of the stories are kind of like that pretty weak um very low satisfaction rate among the lifetime supply people uh seems
73:45to it turns out winning the lottery is not all it's made out to be winning the lottery but only junior mints
73:53right like it's uh they're all the stories are like a little similar one guy's got a lifetime supply or a year's
74:00supply of beer but it was actually enough and they were in college when the heineken truck shows up wow it was
74:08oh this is oh yeah that one was from uh i mean that guy's a legend he like started his own fraternity
74:15dude that is actually like a movie premise um oh i can i can find this i lost your name i'm sorry
74:22it's here somewhere but the base of the beer truck shows up they drop them off 96 24 packs and they're like
74:30for the year and they're like what do we do if when we're done and it's a year supply and the two
74:37beer truck drivers look at each other like yeah here's our card but um we don't think you'll run out oh my
74:44god 96 24 bags they're like but i would do that in two months in college i would the only rule was
74:52you're not allowed to just give it away so in theory they're not allowed to have like a raging raucous heineken party
74:59that everyone knows about who's checking that's kind of what i was thinking it's like i think they were a little point
75:06and i think something that it's like it's like mankind ben affleck style character that just comes and checks on i mean
75:14that's 24 beers a night with your friends for 96 days i mean well so here this is adam this is from
75:21adam 98 it's westwood so they're in ucla in la and he says here's the here's how real life works we did
75:28not even come out close to finishing the beer which started strong a lot of parties but very quickly the novelty wore
75:36off the premise of free heineken was not even enough to lure friends over and the joke by the end of the
75:43year when someone wanted something to drink the answer was anything but heineken oh wow you got sick of it they got
75:50sick of it before they were all-time backfires which i think says something about the human experience well they yeah that is
75:58actually the wealth of college students at ucla yeah but you should have just thrown a giant free beer party and had
76:05a great night yes heineken say heineken sales at ucla plummeted after this yeah the heineken reps is what i have not
76:12drinking any fucking merlot oh man that's the other that that line actually did like tank the sales of merlot like worldwide
76:20what would your what would you guys want lifetime supply of reasonably you can't say yachts yachts um quinoa that's the worst
76:27the worst possible answer you want a lifetime supply of quinoa are we eating a lot of quinoa i'm trying to be
76:34realistic it's like it doesn't get to be like fucking air jordans it's like i eat a lot of quinoa it's good
76:42for me i know why i've learned about this you don't want like what a lot of reese's cups i don't want
76:49an infinite amount of reese's cups coming to my home no no i want something healthy but he was a superfood it's
76:56good for you i'm trying to put in my salads it makes my kale salad better food it's like i would love
77:04a lifetime supply of rice i toast quinoa it's better than rice it has way more nutrients that you toast the quinoa
77:11okay what are you to my salad i would like a lifetime supply of flour you gotta you have to pick something
77:18that feels like a pain in the ass to buy like an annoyance to buy like quinoa to me it's like it's
77:26like bananas or milk it's like you that that's just like a part of daily to me i would do like movie
77:33tickets or like something that like oh how much a 20 movie ticket like that's ridiculous free movie tickets for life amazing
77:40well that i that it's much cooler than what i thought was on the table quinoa right movie tickets yeah i saw
77:48these emails in a free movie we had movie pass which was like the closest thing we've had to rake's gonna put
77:55movies out of business i mean we've done that already amc you know they give you a lifetime supply oh actually wait
78:02there is wait there are two people there were two stories that were worth it you know what i would want lifetime
78:10supply of and again you this isn't going to make sense when i say it but like within reason 20 bills that's
78:17dumb right come on that's something i would say no but like but you can only get like four a month five
78:24a month or something like that but i hate getting cash but i love having cash so somebody could just send me
78:32that whenever i just want money that's not right that's the same thing it's a movie ticket what's the difference what's that's
78:39what's up come on do i have to even say this what if you if it's a domino's pizza what's the difference
78:46that's what product do you want to buy money come on it's so fucking annoying you're you're you're what's happening to you
78:54it's cash though you know it's different they're not just going right into the account of cash it's literally not a product
79:01it's a currency the only thing that it does not count what about a what about a gift card that's a just
79:08that's just adding a lot of unnecessary steps adding a step is there really a difference i would argue about and you're
79:16you're above this is there really a difference domino's gift card is just money you know well on that note actually it's
79:23funny you say domino's that's actually very funny so garrett has an email g-bone college i knew a guy used to work
79:30at domino's and i guess they had some sort of employee class action suit he was given a choice between a cash
79:38payout or a lifetime supply of cheesy bread not even pizza cheesy bread they couldn't even give him pizza and naturally he
79:45made the correct choice of a lifetime supply of cheesy bread over the money so now there was what was the money
79:52like 500 dollars i don't know so there were some practical limitations like he couldn't order 20 boxes at a time or
80:00in a day or whatever but he had some coupon code and whenever he wanted cheesy bread he would type it in
80:07and he would like like he just got cheesy bread whenever he wanted forever oh my god i feel like that'd be
80:15fun for like two weeks well there are there are other ones that are funny like someone apparently got an accident with
80:22a chicken truck of a chicken company and they um gave him cash but they also instead of like full cash they
80:29were like give me half cash half lifetime supply of chicken and so oh laramie wrote this in elbow half lifetime supply
80:37no no sorry it's like do you want money settlement we'll take half money but and we also want a lifetime supply
80:44of chicken yeah so laramie said this co-worker he had just had their grandma just had a number and from this car
80:51accident and they they had a chicken guy and whenever they wanted chicken they just called the chicken guy and the chicken
80:59truck would show up that stock super bar and they just drop off chicken at the house just traumatized the grandmother every
81:06time this chicken truck stance shows up that's the one that hit me like are we talking like chicken tenders like just
81:13live chicken i'm glad you asked breasts nuggets cutlets whatever you see in the grocery that's in the frozen chicken section and
81:21the company would drop it off in a cooler with dry ice oh that's nice it's not bad no that's pretty good
81:28that's very useful better than quinoa i was trying to think right certainly better than 20 bills no way no way right
81:35that's pathetic that's i don't actually understand that at all you break in the rules just what do you want a lifetime
81:43supply thanks it's like no no it's like hey dominoes instead of me ordering four pizzas you just you just give me
81:50four twenty dollar bills that's what i want he wants a lifetime supply of money yeah so i can buy whatever i
81:57want it's cash that's a loophole that maybe a brilliant loophole actually so this is the best one which is from nick
82:05i would do so by the way yeah that's what we talked about oh people sent in socks that for me and
82:12white i like the t-shirt idea yeah people sent in suggestions for white shirts i gotta send an episode soon and socks
82:19for me so nick right this is how all of them should work okay nick writes in breakfast black coffee chocolate and
82:27peanut butter overnight oats and three homemade egg bites nice there's a famous hot dog and burger place in buffalo called ted's
82:34my dad went to ted's in buffalo so much for lunch that he entered a contest and he won a lifetime supply
82:41of hot dogs and it came with a golden hot dog keychain that he shows anytime he's at ted's and he flashes
82:49it like a badge with so much pride and the rule is you get a free hot dog anytime you go there
82:56and when you buy something else like a burger or you want a chicken sandwich doesn't count but free hot dogs every
83:03time you show up and even after you die you can pass along the famous golden keychain to a family member and
83:11it's like a family heirloom yes and his so traveling hot dogs so nick's dad passed over his two actual kids and
83:18gifted the golden hot dog keychain to his first granddaughter wow and in a twist the granddaughter hates hot dogs they're fighting
83:25over this in like fucking court i wanted that hot dog necklace i love that i think that's it should all like
83:33that should be you should have a golden fucking pass like willy wonka let me ask you a question how many hot
83:40dogs you guys eat a year more than you i promise that hot dogs i'm guessing for me probably like three three
83:47you have a case of the everyday don't do here's how many baseball games to go to a year let's start there
83:55i've had two this year i went to a bad that many yeah i think i eat three to five hot dogs
84:02a year probably yes i've probably already had five this year because i went to a baseball game and then someone else
84:09had a grill so i probably want to forget i don't seek out hot dogs less i go to a game i'm
84:17getting hot dogs when you play golf do you ever get a hot dog craig at the turn you never get a
84:24hot dog no i'm you never do a glizzy after nine holes no what i don't glizzy what's a glizzy i don't
84:31know what that is i i don't know why hyvids is willingly saying that but i i would no i don't order
84:39hot dogs when i play golf i want to feel good while i'm playing golf you can't even drink a beer when
84:46you play golf and you're fucking scarfing down hot dogs well i can drink a beer i just can't drink three beers
84:53and play well but the hot dog you're feeling great the the hot dog is a direct correlation with the beer right
85:01because when you have three beers fucking hot dog sounds good yeah goddamn right i like once or twice a year hot
85:08dog absolutely rips well fourth of july right there you're not having two dogs on the fourth of july yeah two yeah
85:15probably do you guys watch the hot hot dog contest no i mean i have dude the guy who talks before the
85:23hot dog contest is a legend what's he say i actually you wouldn't believe me if i told you you wouldn't believe
85:30me if i told you what this guy says dk how many hot dogs do you think you could eat in how
85:37long do they have they have like 12 minutes to do like 70 dk how how many hot dogs you think you
85:45could eat in 12 minutes four really you could do that how many life depended on it my life if it was
85:52a battle to the death probably like 12 13 yeah something like that god that'd be disgusting i don't like when they
86:00dunk in the bun and water it's like no that's tough that's tough i think that should be banned i think they
86:07should have to eat it like normal hot dogs like i agree you shouldn't get to separate it no dog eat it
86:14like we do i agree i i guys see by the way did you see that the the mariners had a randy
86:22johnson tribute night and they had a huge hot dog called that they called the big unit that's incredible also speaking of
86:29the mariners our guy tyler threw out the first pitch at the oh he did it oh he did yeah and they
86:36freaking uh cheated wing it as hard as he could i i think it was low and outside but another another better
86:44than malik willis i know yeah oh my oh my god malik willis's first pitch that's i i should can you unshould
86:51that void his guarantees in his contract right malik willis if you don't know through a first pitch at a marlins game
86:58and basically he almost killed a bystander it looked like a like a bait it looked like a like looked like he'd
87:06never throw in a baseball but i will say patrick mahomes had a really bad first pitch at a baseball game once
87:13so oh okay that's true also his dad was a pitcher so that makes it like a thousand times worse uh yeah
87:20that's true yeah mahomes's dad was a major league pitcher he grew up in fucking like clubhouses malik willis's motion like it
87:28literally just looked like he was throwing a football like he did he did not alter his throwing motion at all not
87:35it looked like you know like hell of a spiral a football kind of passes off your fingertips at the end and
87:42it looked like he did adjust to the fact that a baseball is much smaller no and it was he was almost
87:50like he was shocked it left his hand when it did i would love to throw a first pitch it's kind of
87:57a lifelong dream of mine so what level of baseball are you down for because you we could get you in at
88:04the we could get you in the river i want to do it at dodger stadium baby well i mean that's a
88:12little tougher that's a little tougher yeah can we maybe crawl before we walk yeah would you do a triple a game
88:19if we got it for you do you think they'd let me do it at an a's game no one goes through
88:26those no one would notice no no one would even know i can probably craig if craig throws out a ball and
88:34the first pitch of today's game does anyone hear it that means i have to go to sacramento though you know what's
88:41so funny i think the odds of you throwing out a dodgers first pitch are so much higher than like the savannah
88:48bananas the savannah bananas get like eli manning were like this drew breeze for new orleans like you have no shot dodgers
88:56it's like impossible yeah i'll just like lie says no the dodgers get like supremely famous people take care i didn't even
89:03hear that i missed it sorry i said i'll just lie and say i was in the military and they'll let me
89:10do it stolen valor yeah sorry me and my penguin here or corporal chief i'm like look at this medal around my
89:18neck they're like that's a gold hot dog that's recall yeah okay um i was gonna ask you if you guys want
89:25to hear my mr beast theory but uh we you can either hear that or save it for a future episode do
89:32you do you think it will spark a two-minute conversation or a 10-minute conversation only one way to find out okay do
89:40you know mr b sells chocolate bars yeah yeah what are they called you've already told us this i think on the
89:47show yeah what are they called they have a name beastables or something i think mr beast is going to do a
89:54willy wonka golden ticket thing why the fuck would he sell chocolate bars he sells chocolate bars and gas stations that are
90:02allegedly like less ingredients or whatever bullshit he's going to do and he's going to kill several children who show up for
90:09with the golden tickets who deserved it those kids there was one rule right it's still illegal out of the chocolate fountain
90:16augustus gloop you idiot there's one rule on the tour yeah hands inside the vehicle veruca salt not the best also like
90:24i don't i'm pretty sure other companies have done the willy wonka thing yeah but it'll be bigger when he does it
90:31yeah he's got some willy wonka vibes yeah some weird compound in some like north carolina that you go to you know
90:38he's gonna do this it'll be the biggest thing craig do youtube voice for a minute oh yeah give us the youtube
90:46axle i brought 100 children to my willy wonka castle and we'll see how many chocolate bars they can eat it's like
90:53a weird version of like newscaster voice back to you tom it's it's like so unnatural like no humans you've never you
91:00would never hear someone speak like that in the wild it's very bizarre it's the worst do one more if it's if
91:08you got a golden ticket that'd be pretty good content i want to see like like i'm making i collected a golden
91:15ticket from mr beast youtube challenge and we're going to show you what it's really like inside we're gonna see if i
91:22can beat a squirrel in a fight to the deck i went and fought a cheetah and then it was attended to
91:30because i was on the precipice of death oh my god oh god that's real that's that's mr beast in a nutshell
91:37yeah he probably will fight a squirrel to the death i went to squirrel and lost i went to the serengeti to
91:44see if i could outrun a cheetah thank you dk thank you craig um thanks mr beast for the invitation to die
91:52in your factory um thank you to your factory thank you camp your fucking content factory content factory your factor i don't
91:59know why that's a funny term your factory thank you mr beast for letting us come to your factory fucking mr beast
92:07yeah that's president beast to you president beast thank you cam thank you austin thank you abu thank you for listening thank
92:14you every email thank you to the seven thank you to the high council of the seven for um all the wife
92:21advice that's right it's really special thank you lorne lorne thank you squirrel nut zippers whoa did i fit you short what
92:29was that shart on camera you just sharted i think somebody just kicked you in the tank that was that was that
92:36was like the air escaping my body yeah that was just like the air escaping my body was that squirrel squirrel tug
92:43nut zippers squirrel nut zippers it is a uh swinging jazz band i remember hearing about them squirrel nuts growing up my
92:51buddy in high school had a band called squirrel plague and um um squirrel plague yeah and he did you tell him
92:58that ironically squirrels are the only rodent in the world that can't carry the plague he was a buddy of mine from
93:05college so i didn't go to high school with him but he brought a few squirrel plague shirts to college and i
93:13would wear them around like yeah oh that's funny squirrel plague is like the name of a band in a movie squirrel
93:20squirrel play oh we should say we should have have a call out for just funny band names that people that we
93:27could use yeah squirrel plague oh i literally found their logo on google are they still still touring no they're not they
93:35kind of broke up in high school but that was on the shirt oh wow that's pretty sick yeah good branding yeah
93:42so that's squirrel plague let me see the squirrel plague oh oh wow that's it's a pretty great logo yeah holy yeah
93:49that should be your team name in fantasy this year shouts out mike should we let people vote on our team names
93:57that's my boy mike squirrel play yeah what kind of music was it i'm i'm guessing like punk rock it was like
94:04ska yeah yeah yeah that makes sense he's from san diego you know i can i can already tell like the kind
94:11of vibe all right check him out squirrel plague goodbye everyone must be 21 plus and present in select states for kansas
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